Happy, Happy Anniversary Blog.

Photograph Quiz:

Photos no. 1, say, for old times sake:- What sport is this? Who is about to score? Which teams are playing? What was the final score? When? Where? What is the connection with the person about to score and Coventry Godiva  Harriers? Why was he considered naughty by the Godiva Officials and why was he banned from coming down to the club? DEARBLOGIAMSOEXCITEDDOYOUREALISEWHATANNIVERSARYITISTODAYYESBLOGYOUAREQUITERIGHTITISTHEFIRSTANNIVERSAYOFWHENWEBECAMEFRIENDSANDWEARESTILLFRIENDAFTERALLTHISTIMEASATREATWHATIINTENDTODOINTHEVERYNEARFUTUREISHELPYOUWITHSOMEOFTHEANSWERSTOMYQUIZQUESTIONSBECAUSEYOUAREPRETTYHOPELESSATTHEMBUTTHATISFORNEXTTIMEATREATIFYOULIKEITWASFREEZINGYESTERDAYANDMYTRUDGEWASPRETTYPATHETICICOULDNOTBREATHESOTHEREISNOCHANGETHERETHENIHAVENOTUSEDPUNCTATIONSOTHATICANCRAMMOREINFORTHESAMECOSTWILLWRITETOYOUTOMORROWHAPPYANNIVERSARYANDTHANKYOUAGAINFORSTILLBEINGMYFRIENDCOLIN

Midland Cross Country Championships, Wollaton Park, Nottingham. January 28th 2012

BLOG.

£25 … I just can’t believe it.

Here’s a training tip for you Blog (number ten, me thinks) ….. I believe we can learn a great deal to help our trudging by listening to our bodies and observing nature. A simple example; how often have we been plagued by blisters and cuts on the heel which inhibits quality training because of the pain? Never mind your complicated solutions, chemists, juju men, plasters …. If you watch an injured animal with a cut, a dog, a cat, a lion … not that we have had too many lions around where we live now lately. In fact I don’t think I’ve seen one since the last time I saw one. What do they do? They lick the wound! So. What do we do with a cut to help the healing process? The suggestion is, dear Blog, that you use spit (saliva if you are posh, blog). No don’t lick it!! Put the gob of spit on using your fingers, you silly billy. Let it dry before you cover the wound. Re spit as often as possible. It does work, it really does! Let the body heal itself as some bloke once said.

£25 … I just can’t believe it.

Saturday was the Midland Counties Cross Country Championships at Wollaton Park in Nottingham. Interesting when we arrived and parked up … it must have been 40 years, yes 40 years, four zero years, f-o-r-t-y plus years since I won my first championship medal there!!! In those far off days we ran out around the lake and back through the top end of the park trying not to stampede the deer in the process; now, charging deer is scary with like a capital ‘S’. Unlike Saturday, when the senior men did four small poncey laps next to the school! In all seriousness, Blog, poor James Walsh who won the race for the sixth(?) time, had to spend 30% of the race weaving in and out of the lapped runners, some of whom were far from being considerate in allowing him a decent free run. With mega acres of land to utilise, it would have been just as simple for the organisers to have had three larger laps, thereby avoiding many of the problems caused by the slower runners getting in the way of the faster finishers. It would have taken not much longer to stake out. The few members of the public who were enjoying the Wollaton Park would not have been inconvenienced. No more marshals would have been required to police the race. It could so easily have cost James his Championship because it was a close competition for much of the race. Thankfully it didn’t and he won in fine style. Godiva’s senior men’s team finished in the bronze medal position and the Godiva senior women’s team missed repeating the men’s success by a SINGLE POINT!! Can you believe that Blog. One lousy rotten point! One point and the bronze medal goes floating off down the Swanee. That is the same as a spit and a cough. Not the same spit you used on the cut, Blog, I hasten to add. But one point.

£25 … I just can’t believe it.

Oh, and one more thing Blog, while I remember. I have been racing in Wollaton Park for forty years. 40 years. Four zero years. F-o-r-t-y plus years. I have been driving for forty years. 40 years. Four zero years. F-o-r-t-y plus years and I have never received a speeding fine. I have been driving for forty years. 40 years. Four zero years. F-o-r-t-y plus years and I have never received a parking ticket.

£25 … I just can’t believe it.

Until YESTERDAY.

£25 … I just can’t believe it.

Don’t ask me why. Old age? For some reason I never thought to get a parking ticket when I arrived at the Park. Never entered my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And when I got back to the car after the racing had finished, There it was. Bright yellow. Stuck to my windscreen. A parking ticket. The shame of it. £25 … I just can’t believe it.

I shall be organising a sponsored trudge in the very near future Blog. I do hope you will find it in yourself to sponsor me. Dig deep in your pocket for quids. It will be to raise funds for a good cause. All quids raised will go towards paying my £25  … I just can’t believe it.

                                         Colin

Six months to the Olympic Games Opening Ceremony

We’ve made it Blog, we’ve made it. Told you it was a stroke of genius, didn’t I? The Olympic committee never thought to register all those different ring patterns …. So Blog. We are in the money, we are in the money. Obviously my appeal for anyone keen on the idea of circumnavigating the copyright laws belonging to the IOC has been picked up by the American Cosa Nostra. They seemed to have fully endorsed my idea about the sixteen different Olympic Rings and their potential usage on a whole range of Olympic souvenirs. Or I assume it’s the Cosa Nostra who is showing interest. Who else would leave the severed head of a horse on the pillow of our bed? When I woke up this morning, it gave me quite a turn. There it was, laying on the pillows between me and my wife. A horses severed head! I can tell you she was none too pleased about it. She had only changed the sheets yesterday. She was quite angry at the thought of her having to put the washing machine on again this week. She was especially irate because it is so difficult to get the washing dry at this time of year; and it makes the house so damp having it draped over the furniture if it does not dry on the clothes line outside. I told her not to get too upset as the weather forecast seemed quite promising for the next couple of days.

She didn’t quite grasp the idea of the American Cosa Nostra leaving me a calling card to say that they were up for the Olympic Rings project, so I told her that the butcher must have been very late on his delivery rounds last night and didn’t want to disturb us when he dropped off our weekly order. She seemed to understand that and accepted that it was very kind of the butcher to be so considerate. She is thinking of dropping him off a bottle of her home made bluebottle wine with next week’s meat order as a ‘thankyou’ present. Bless.

 Did you see that a hundred people were arrested in London yesterday in dawn raids for offences relating to the Olympics? True, Blog, True. Look in the newspapers. As no police officer popped in to see me yesterday, I took it as official confirmation that my ingenious scheme for using the different Olympic Rings pattern is fool proof; T-shirts, clothing, trinkets, replica flags and medals, postcards; the sky’s the limit. Our Olympic Rings on them all and the law can’t touch us. We could create a Boy Band, call them the ‘Five Rings’ and a Girlie Band and call them ‘The Five Ringlets’. Then there is the franchising of goods and food services. And there will be all those lovely royalties from the goods developed in the Universities’ Science Parks. There will be money from the Government to set up Enterprise Zones in areas of unemployment. We’re minted Blog. Minted with a capital ‘M’. We are quids in with a capital ’£’.

I have hardly been able to trudge in the last two days with the excitement of the thought of me being a fiery Alan Sugar, a goggled Bill Gates, a lively Stev Jobs.  

                          Colin

Birmingham and District Cross Country League at Coventry, January 2012

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no.78:- Which Godiva club official is chatting with the Duke of Edinburgh? Where are they? When was it?

Dear Blog,

           Just think, this time last year we were up to our goolies in snow. Not that it mattered of course, because it was so cold, you couldn’t feel your goolies, the only fear being that they might drop off during a trudge and you wouldn’t notice!!! Contrast today. Windy and pleasantly warm. Did 10 miles this morning; leaving home, the first two miles were fast, I slowed briefly at the bottom of the first hill before I started on the narrow country lanes. I past one very very slow shuffler before my second slow down. Very few cars on the lanes which made progress nice and steady. Had to go slow in the penultimate miles as horse riders were out in force, and they were none too happy trotting along the lanes, especially those where the road was sunken and the hedgerows were high. The horses were a bit frisky as well. The final mile, being downhill, was quite rapid. Oh, I should have said, Blog, I wasn’t trudging, I was driving my car as backup for my younger daughter. It was she that was running the ‘10’. She has had a sore hamstring and didn’t want to go out for a steady run by herself in case the leg wasn’t happy. If it became uncomfortable, she had the option of protecting it by being able to hop into the car, if I followed. So I followed. Very sensible, a confidence thing really.

Another contrast for you Blog. Last week, the Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One third fixture was held in Coundon Hall Park, about a mile from where my estate is. Godiva promoted the event and have done for 30 (+?) years. I have usually done a bit of the spade work.

Imagine

15 years ago. Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus five weeks:- ‘Hello Bob, its Colin Kirkham’ ‘Hello Colin, are you OK?’ ‘Yes thanks. Is it alright with the Parks Department if we have the usual cross country race around Coundon Hall Park, please?’ ‘Yes, no problem. You will keep off the football pitches won’t you?’ ‘Yes, certainly. And can I have the key for the changing rooms, please.’ ‘Yes. Pick it up the day before. When can you return it?’ ‘I will pop into town on Tuesday, and bring it up to the office. We come into town shopping on a Tuesday anyway, so that will be no problem.’ ‘Hello, British Red Cross? May I speak to Linda please, it’s Colin Kirkham. Hello Linda, could the British Red Cross provide cover for the Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One third fixture at Coundon Hall Park as usual, please. Thanks. I will send the usual details through.’ [Time spent on phone 10 minutes]

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus four weeks and six days. Post details to British Red Cross. [Time spent 5 minutes writing letter, 5 minutes to jog to post box and back.]

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus one day. Pick up key. [Time spent 30 minutes]

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture plus three days. Return key [Time spent, a token 30 minutes as I was passing the office anyway]

Total administrative time for Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture 70 minutes. Setting the race up and taking it down is always the same, so each year is no different.

Imagine.

This year. Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture, same place, same course, same second Saturday in January, the same as every year for the past 30 (+?) years.

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus five weeks. ‘Hello, could you put me through to the Department for Culture, Leisure and Libraries as their direct number is not available in the phone book.’ ‘Sorry, we don’t deal with bookings any more, I’ll transfer you.’ ‘Hello its Colin Kirkham from Coventry Godiva Harriers enquiring about promoting a cross country fixture at Coundon Hall Park in January’ ‘Sorry, we do not deal with bookings over the phone, you must go onto the Council web site, find the appropriate department, and complete the booking information sheets. But hurry, as we require four working weeks notification and we are off over Christmas and the New Year.’

Find booking form … eventually. Four pages. Keep having to re do the booking form on line as the person who designed the sheets, never thought that a sporting event would take place without having any spectators who weren’t charged an entry fee for not watching the event! No box available to explain the necessity for a key for the changing rooms. Send off. Twice. The instructions for mailing were too complicated for someone of my intellect.

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus four weeks and six days. E-mail comes through saying the council computer has received my booking form and an e-mail comes through to say that the council computer has received my booking form.

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus four weeks and four days. E-mail requesting copy of route taken for race, copy of full insurance policy, copy of first aid provision, copy of parking arrangements. Please to forward as an attachment. E-mail back saying I don’t do attachments. Will send information through by surface mail. Insurance is covered by UKA as part of them granting a permit for the event to go ahead. Jog to post box and post copies of route taken for the race and details of first aid provision … private company who require access to all parts of the park for the duration of the whole event

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One third fixture minus four weeks and three days. E-mail saying that a copy of the insurance is still required. Club secretary has to contact UKA and get a copy. Sent off five days later, jogging to and from post box.

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One third fixture minus two weeks. Get a phone call asking for details of course. I am out. Phone back when I get home. ‘Sorry the lady you want to speak is not back in the office until next week.’ E-mail her asking what she wants.

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus one weeks and one day. E-mail arrives asking where the course goes. E-mail back, with details mentioning that the course does not cross the pitches. E-mail arrives saying that is OK and that she did not realise it was an annual fixture. I am given two names of people who will deal with me and the race from now on. Never hear from them. New First Aid providers need a key to access the whole park.

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus eight days. Ring up to find out where I can get a key from to access the whole of the Park for the first aid providers. I point out that the locks are different on each gate; the key for the gate near the school HQ would be most useful. Consternation, No one knows They will ring me back when they find out where the keys are kept.

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus five days. The key is at the War Memorial Park offices but I had better take all keys. The deposit for each key is £25. I am told that if there is any damage to the park grass, we will be billed for any surface restructuring work that needs to be carried out by the Department for Culture, Leisure and Libraries after the race.

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus three days. Travel  5 miles to War Memorial Park to pick key up. I am told they need a £25 returnable deposit for the one key I am allowed to take away. I pay £25 returnable deposit. The key is for the gate furthest from the school where the race HQ is situated. Do a training session around the Park. I return home and I receive a phone call to say that I have been given the wrong key. Someone will go up and change the lock. When? This afternoon. ? Would it not be easier to give me the correct key ?

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus two days. I decide to do a trudge to check the key. I trudge a couple of miles and find the key does not fit. I trudge another couple of miles to find the key does not fit any of the gate locks. I trudge a mile to the changing room and find that the key does fit. I trudge home and phone up the office at the War Memorial Park. Someone will go up and change the lock. When? This afternoon. ? Would it not be easier to give me the correct key ?

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture minus one day. I decide to do a trudge to check the key. I trudge a couple of miles and find the key does not fit. I trudge another couple of miles to find the key does not fit any of the gate locks. I trudge home and phone up the office at the War Memorial Park. Someone will go up to change the lock. When. By half past eleven. I begin to panic. At two o’clock I decide to do a trudge to check the key. I trudge a couple of miles and find the key does fit!!!!

Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture plus two days. Travel 5 miles to War Memorial Park to return the key; the key that fit the lock on the far gate which was not very convenient. I am given my £25 returnable deposit for the one key I was allowed to take away. I train around the perimeter of the War Memorial Park.

Total administrative time for Birmingham and District Cross Country League Division One, third fixture:- hours and bloody hours. But that is progress for you Blog. Who said it was better in the olden days?

In the 1970s, and you can check this Blog, Prime Minister Harold Wilson in his speech on the white heat of new technology, warned that we would have to adopt new ways to fill all our extra leisure time which would be created by the increasing use of computers. Obviously Harold had never heard of Jobsworth!!!!

                                             Colin

OLYMPIC RINGS

Now B log, sit down, take a deep breath, make yourself a nice strong coffee and concentrate. Concentrate with a capital ‘C’. I don’t want to get technical with you, but we could make a killing here! Do you know anyone with connections to any of the Chinese Triads, the Mafia, Italian or American?? Anyone who can knock off a few thousand printed t-shirts and would like to join us in our enterprise?

Bear with me.

The Olympic authorities are a bit keen when someone tries to use their rings. They have them registered? Have they? All of them?? Just think if we use the rings on a few thousand commemorative t-shirts, we could make a killing … but we need a quick turn around on the printing front!!!!

Bear with me.

In 1964, while I was doing a few sums at the Pink Panther University, I took a night off my regime of intense study and I went to the cinema with a few other fellow students who were also athletes. We went to the cinema to see the regarded film of the 1964 Olympic Games. At about the same time I was looking around for an interesting subject about sums to give to my tutor for a thesis. Semi-conscious, watching the film reel in, an idea suddenly hit me. I think it was an idea that suddenly hit me but it could have been a lump of ice cream thrown by one of my mates. Rings. Five ring. Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding! That was it … my dissertation … rings and knots. Not been done before?? A Kirkham original?? I checked and it was an original idea!

Bear with me.

My first mistake was that I assumed the rings of the Olympic Games were consistent, that is, they were the same configuration for every Olympic Games. I checked. Oh no … Melbourne was different. Was that because the Melbourne Games were in the Southern hemisphere?? Possibly. (in 2000, I learned that this was not the case, Sydney conformed). No matter, it didn’t dampen my enthusiasm. It did not change the theory I had bussing in my head.

Bear with me, Blog.

What if the Olympic authorities had registered their set of rings only!!! That leaves me, you Blog and the Chinese triad, the Mafia, American or Italian, to make a killing without fear of any prosecution. We could use the other 15 sets! 15 you ask Blog?? Why 15?? Well it’s like this. What I investigated all those years ago, was the number of possible intersections of five rings of the colours blue, yellow, black, green, red taken in that order. Now rather that slog through a load of colouring of rings, I decided to impress my tutor by adopting a sums approach to the problem.

Wake up, Blog. Bear with me.

Using binary, a ‘1’ to indicate a crossing over and a ‘0’ for a crossing under for each intersection, there being eight intersections in each pattern of rings …so taken in order, left to right, the flag now used by the Olympic committee is

10101010

Each pair indicating a single colour. So, without wishing to send you completely to sleep, Blog, or to give you nightmares, ….. Blog. BLOG. BLOG.BLOG. BLOG. Come back here. This is interesting. Sit down, shut up and pay attention. Listen and you might learn something. Each pair indicating a single colour, but it might be easier for you Blog to just concentrate on the yellow and green intersections; not the best sums way but easier to understand!!! So from left to right. The yellow is over (1) then under (0) the blue continuing to travel from left to right, the yellow is over then under the black and so on, thus producing 10101010. As I said, Blog, not a goodie sums way but not to worry, we can’t all be a little Gottfried can we?

Now, so the rings don’t fall apart, a ring must intersect the next ring only once, for each of the five rings. So an over (1) must be followed by an under (0) in a pair, and visa versa. Now it is dead easy peasy to find all the arrangement of rings just by messing with the (1)s and (0)s, not allowing two same digit pairs to occur together.

Wakey, wakey, we are nearly there Blog….

10101010

10101001

10100110

10011010

01101010

01011010

01100110

01101001

01010101

01010110

01011001

01100101

10010101

10100101

10011001

10010110

So there you have it, Blog. I am glad you are back with us. 16 Olympic flags. And the Olympic committee only use one. Get in touch with the Triad and Mafia like now, Blog. Get the colour screen printing presses going like crazy. What shall we do with the first quids, Blog? Buy an Olympic commemorative T-shirt? Which pattern?

Shall I colour in the rings for you, now Blog? Oh yes, no fooling, no mistake matey boy, in case you were wondering!!!!

 

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 77:-And which one of the above patterns was used for the design of the Melbourne Olympic flag??

We could expand on the idea. We could also do T shirts in the above with five triangles, five squares, five ellipses, five fingers, five veg a day, five tiny toes, high five, five aside football, the famous five. Three dimensions is much more interesting … set off with five cubes before you try five spheres Blog. Why? Try it.

And what happened with my dissertation? My piss der resistance. Well I did more than five rings in a line, built the pattern above and below and then went onto different types of knots:- ‘Mr Kirkham, are you trying to run circles around this department? Are you trying to tie us down? Olympic rings and nots are knot whot we are about at the Pink Panther University’. So Senate gave me an attendance certificate. Ta.

                                                  Colin

Midland Women's Cross Country League 2012

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 76:- Obviously five intersecting rings which you might have come across, Blog. But have you? Find your clever thinking cap, Blog, put it, prepare for a headache and I will try to tell you all about the exciting possibilities next letter.

How do they do it Blog? How? There must be a hidden talent somewhere, lurking in the bowls of the Midland Women’s Cross Country League. A talent for making life bloody ridiculous. About twenty years ago, to coin a phrase (!), I wrote a pee taking whole page article for ‘Athletics Weekly’ about the Midland Women’s Cross Country League. I will try to find it out for you Blog. I could just as easily have written it as a commentary about yesterday’s Midland Women’s Cross Country League race. Twenty years and what has changed, I ask myself, Blog. O.K I’ll concede that courses are difficult to find and preparation needs thought. Last week at the Warwickshire Cross Country Championships, a new club, Knowle and Dorridge, found an excellent course and organised a superb event. Yesterday ….. well. Just what can be said?? For starters you had to pay £1:50 for parking. No real gripe there as I believe we get many courses free of charge when a small fee could be collected for funds. BUT. There was only ONE ticket machine working which could not cope with the sudden influx of two to three hundred cars. The queue for the ticket machine was so long that the start of the Women’s race was delayed for 15 minutes to give competitors time to cough up £1:50!!!! 15 minutes delay. Blog, I kid you not! And the course??? As one former international said before the start ‘You need a degree in orienteering to find where to go. I’ve jog round and I can’t understand it!’ Now if it had been intended for a TRAIL race, it was an excellent course. Not the slightest problem there. For an off road race, it was an excellent course. Not the slightest problem there. For a category ‘C’ fell race, it was an excellent course. Not the slightest problem there. For a pleasant Sunday morning run, it was an excellent course. Not the slightest problem there. OK there was no showers or changing available and the toilets were inadequate but

FOR A CROSS COUNTRY COURSE IT WAS A TRAVESTY

Rocky paths to climb up and to attempt to try to run down. Endless paths of impacted rough quarry waste. Narrow gateways to negotiate …. Sorry. It was supposed to be a cross country race. A Cross Country race is where park or plough or hills or ditches or rough land or small streams or a tarmac path to cross or sand are par for the course. BUT. Rocky paths to climb up and to attempt to try to run down ... endless paths of impacted rough quarry waste …. narrow gateways to negotiate … are not cross country. Not with a capital ‘N’. Cross Country is Cross Country. Not trail racing. Not road running. NO. And what about the youngsters who don't own trail shoes. They had to race in flats or spike shoes. Flats meant the younger runners underperformed because they were slipping and sliding or having to run slowly and carefully down the slopes to avoid injury. Spikes meant that they probably are not able to walk, never mind train, today. The spike shoes were wreaked and their feet a mess. One poor university runner was in tears. Whether it was tears of frustration or distress, I know not.                What the recourse?????????????????

That was the bad, now the good; the power of the printed word, no less. I write to you on Friday complaining about the lack of running reporting in the local press, you get your finger pulled out Blog, and lo and behold, there is running reporting in the local press on Saturday Blog. Well done, matey boy. Impressive. But could I suggest that next time Blog, may I suggest that it would be more interesting if 99.5% wasn’t just a list of results. Anyone interested in the Championships would have sorted out the results for themselves while the general public aren’t going to take any notice of an endless list of tightly printed names. What I meant about lack of reporting Blog, was lack of words. Words that might say something about the race, the course, the runners. I await next Saturday’s paper with interest, Blog. Go on, impress me!!!

                                                    Colin

1984

Oh dear me Blog, dear me. Is there no honesty in the press? Does the Leverson Enquiry need to look at the local as well as national papers as a part of their remit?

I know I’ve gone at you for some time about the near total lack of local athletic coverage in the local paper about local events unless it is supplied by the sponsors of the UKAthletics. For about eighteen months, since there was a shakeup of the local paper and a few redundancies were made including the athletics reporter who had done such an excellent job for very many years, the coverage of the local athletic scene has been dismal in the extreme. Despite the supply of reports and pictures to the local rag, there has been a dearth of reports. In the last couple of months the athletic calendar has included two sets of league races with three divisions in each race incorporating all the local clubs within the circulation area of the paper, we have had the Warwickshire County Cross Country Championships with several hundred competitors of all ages and both sexes, we have had a plethora of local club seasonal races, with have had a ‘5’ mile road race, and individual runners have competed in various races of their own choice  ….. and the coverage??? Not a lot. In fact, even less than that. So what is my complaint besides the obvious one, you ask me Blog. Why the sour grapes, you ask me Blog?? You may well ask Blog. Last week we got approximately a third of a page with a splash of five photographs and a written up report about a jog in the park – a fun run – on Christmas Day for about 50 or 60 runners. Ho Ho Ho! Yes the photos did contain a host of father Christmases warming up for the Fun Run on Christmas Day jog, Ho Ho! Yes it conveyed a Christmas spirit for those that wanted a blow out on the Christmas morning. Ho! No problem there then. The report was a cheery piece, Ho! Ho no ….no, no no, not a single Ho! At the end of the newspaper report, at the very end of the newspaper report, the editor slipped in as an afterthought that all the pictures were not taken on Christmas Day as the article implied!!!!!!!!!!!! They were taken in various events in the weeks leading up to Christmas. Can you believe that, Blog. Come back Winston all is forgiven. Big Brother is here in Coventry alive and well. We need your help with a spot of revisionism. And while you are at it, remember to report on the world age best for 10km which I achieved when I ran next week, and a few lines on the fantastic marathon I am not going to run in April.

                                                      Colin

Wedding service .... car service

Good news Blog, the paint brush has arrived, the colour fits in so well with the décor, a sort of woody colour; which makes me wonder if I have wasted all my money in ordering this paintbrush because I question whether a stick from the garden would have done the same job. Oh well, not to worry, I mustn’t mind treating my wife occasionally; as long as she doesn’t come to expect to be showered with gifts from me. Special occasions, yes. No problem there. Occasions like our diamond wedding anniversary, or the Queens one hundredth birthday. Special occasions. When the brush arrived, I sneaked it upstairs so she didn’t see it. I wrapped it in some Christmas wrapping paper to make it look special. Luckily we had a lot of Christmas wrapping paper this year which we took off parcels that relatives had sent us. Most of it was quite easy to iron flat, so that it didn’t look as if it had been used before. Because we had so much, I threw caution to the wind and used a generous piece to wrap the brush. When I gave it to my wife, I watched her face to see the delight of having a surprise gift. I must say that she hid her feelings very well. She stopped herself from beaming at me and she showed remarkable self-restraint by not throwing her arms around me. I was impressed by her self-control. Sad to say that I have had no bids on e-bay for the old paintbrush which I wasted no time in advertising when the new one arrived.

Yesterday’s trudge was interesting. Out in the early morning to drop my car off at the garage for a service. The dealership I purchased the car from has ceased trading, so the franchise has been transferred to a dealership on the other side of the city. By 8:30am I was trudging back to the old estate enjoying a good wheeze form all the traffic fumes having dropped the car off. I swung round into the country, purposely passing the small village church where I signed up to wedded bliss over a life time ago. Interesting that … we had arranged to see the vicar in the evening to discuss the wedding date which gave us time to cook a meal after training before we saw him. We had never cooked with garlic before. When the recipe said to use a clove of garlic, we didn’t know what a clove was. So we used the whole bulb!!! Boy must we have stunk when we saw the vicar. No wonder he grabbed his crucifix and held it out in front of him as we entered the vicarage!! Why the rush to get married he enquired. No your vicarship, my future wife is not pregnant. The rush to get married in four weeks’ time your vicarship, is because I have an important date in six weeks’ time and I want to get this marrying business out of the way by then so I can concentrate on the important things in life. In six weeks’ time I have the selection trials for the European Games marathon. I don’t want my future wife going on and on and on and on about some wedding when I am trying to focus on my race. See reason, man. So it was fixed up and I got the weddying thing out of the way before the race.

From the church, I headed off in a northerly direction so I could view where we had the wedding reception. We only had enough people invited to the wedding to make up a rugby team (League of course, not Union). We had the reception at a castle. A real castle, Blog, I kid you not. A castle with a capital’C’. We cut our cake at the wedding breakfast with a sword!! Beat that Blog. A sword. A sharp sword. A very sharp sword!! It had to be sharp to cut through the concrete icing? Concrete icing, I hear you ask Blog? Yes. Concrete with a capital ‘C’. My future wife’s nan had offered to make all three tiers of the cake. She was in her 80s, but make the cake, all three tiers she did. But she wasn’t up to icing it. No problem. Well, what’s to icing a cake Blog?? Icing. No problem. Just make sure the icing on the bottom layer is thick enough to support the two layers above and make sure that the icing on the middle layer is strong enough to support the top layer, advised my future wife’s nan. And don’t forget to put a bit of dolly blue in the icing to make it very white, advised my future wife’s nan. Two problems there Blog. Problem one:- how were we to know how much icing to use to be assured that the bottom layer of icing was thick enough to support the two layers above and to make sure that the middle layer of icing was strong enough to support the top layer? Problem two:- how much is a ‘bit of dolly blue in the icing to make it very white’. We did the icing. We got it nice and flat. We got it nice and square. We left a small amount of icing on one side to test it’s strength when it had set. We tested the small amount of icing when it had set by trying to break it by hand. We were unable to break the small amount of icing by hand. We tested the small amount of icing when it had set by trying to cut it with a knife. We were unable to cut the small amount of icing with a knife. We tested the small amount of icing when it had set by trying to cut it with a sharp carving knife. We were unable to cut the small amount of icing with a sharp carving knife. With the careful use of a hammer we were able to cut the small piece of icing. We concluded that the bottom layer of icing would be thick enough to support the two layers above and that the middle layer of icing would be strong enough to support the top layer, Unfortunately, we now had a bright blue wedding cake. Blog, I kid you not. Bright blue. BLUE. My future wife nan’s idea of a ‘bit’ of dolly blue and our idea of a ‘bit’ of dolly blue seemed to have not quite tallied. Did we go for blue wedding cake? Should we be different? So it was back to the mixing bowl and back to icing production in a big way! It was a bright shiny white wedding cake ………….. but as the very sharp sword cut through the top layer of our wedding cake, a stratus of blue was clearly visible, sandwiched between the white layers!! My best man asked for his money back, my father-in-law asked if he could have his daughter back and the vicar wanted to know if the blue layer was something to do with the garlic fetish we seemed to have.

Passed the castle, I made a bee line for home passing the site where I had my caravan parked. I have mentioned to you previously Blog, that I used to live in a caravan. Not a mobile home … a caravan with a capital ‘C’. I was knackered.

I had told the garage to give me a ring on the telephone when the car was ready for picking up. I had a shower, dressed and had a strong drink of recovery coffee when the telephone rang. The garage was giving me a ring to say that my car was ready to be picked up. I undressed, put kit on and made a bee line for the caravan, the castle and the church to pick my car up from the garage. I drove home. I was knackered. Two o’clock, two sessions. I fell asleep in the chair. My wife woke me when it was time to go to bed.

                                    Colin

My training diary

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 76:- What is special about this picture for Godiva Harriers? When did I win it? Which woman has won it? When? And what is so special about her?

So Blog,

      What has your training been this last three days??? As varied as mine?

day	Pulse (s/f)	wt	surface	dist	time	Session (where ran and named training partner)
Fri	52/53	8st 25lb	road	4m	Very fast time	‘Down by the river side’ with E.Presley. Is this a record?
Sat	68/60	9st 11lb	county	6m	Fartlek ………aim	To ‘Keep on running’ with Spencer D.. Definitely a record
Sun	86/151	137lb	path	1m		Ran Fun Run with granddaughter, stumbled, hurt back ….is this a slipped disc?

Saturday was County Cross Country Championship Day at Solihull, in Brueton Country Park. I watched my elder daughter run in the senior ladies race. The course was excellent in all respects; varied paths, hills, flat running, wooded sections, bit of mud, excellent for watching the races’ progress. The Championships Races were promoted by the Knowle And Dorridge Running Club which has only been affiliated for two years, so its 11 out of 10 for them, Blog. Very good. But watch the next couple of weeks, when we will be back to the stupid ankle breaking courses for the leagues races etc.. The usual argument being for keeping to such courses being that they have  been used for yonks, so why change them? You change it to stop athletes getting injured??? Watch this space Blog, I will report back!!!

Sunday was the Centurions Runners Club monthly 5 mile race and 2km Fun Run. Same daughter raced in the ‘5’ and did well to come 4^th lady … further down the field, her mother who happens to be my wife of very many years (40+++) was third ‘over 60’ ladies masters, so both came away with a prize. At the presentation afterwards, as granny went up to get her prize, my eight year old granddaughter, in all innocence asked if the prizes were for the Old Pensioners Race!! Blog, I kid you not. I trogged round the Fun Run with my granddaughter. We started slowly and gradually moved through the field. She was delighted to have run 50 seconds faster than last time. She sprinted in front of me at the finish, which, I thought, showed a degree of discourtesy which I did not expect from a close family member. After all, I sacrificed my performance to pace her round, I nurtured when she was having a rough time, I encouraged her when she was becoming despondent, I coached her in the best way to round corners, I distilled fifty years of hard won experience into those 2 kilometres. I even gave up the accolades which a victory would have bestowed upon me. One never knows where a victory in such an event might lead … what athletic doors might have been thrown open to me? However I told her, I will not make a big issue out of it, what is done is done; the tide cannot be turned back, the result cannot be changed. I said to her that the least she could have done was to have given me a finger of the Kit Kat she was given at the finish line. But No! She paid me no heed and scoffed both fingers. Just like that! I just couldn’t believe it Blog? What is the world coming to? And what makes matters even worse if that were possible … My wife is now faster than me and not only that …. My elder daughter is now faster than me and not only that …. My younger daughter is now faster than me and not only that …. My son-in–law is now faster than me and not only that …. but by the thickness of a running vest, my granddaughter is now faster than me. I shall train most diligently for the next three weeks and exact my revenge in the next Fun Run. If she thinks she has the upper hand, I will show her …  this fall through the family rankings makes the death of my pet tortoise last year seem not too upsetting after all. At least he has blown his chances of whipping me.

I think my granddaughter’s lack of consideration for me by not offering a share of her chocolate Kit Kat stems from family inbreeding. I told you Blog about the problem’s with my wife’s washing machine a couple of months ago; one of the small programme buttons on the control panel had come off the printed circuit board and a replacement would cost me about £80. I told you, if you remember, that I was unsuccessful in finding someone to solder five tiny spots to fix the button back onto the board and in the end, I had resorted to using insulation tape to secure the switch back into place. I must admit I did rather a splendid job with the insulation tape; it has been extremely successful with a capital ‘S’. Admittedly, my wife has to use the end of a kiddies paint brush to poke the switch to engage the programme, and she has had to use a head torch to see the switch button before she can poke the switch with the kiddies paint brush to engage the programme. Small price and inconvenience to pay in order to save me £80 from my pension, I would have thought. But no. NO. She now says that the colour of the handle of the kiddies paint brush which she uses to poke the switch to engage the programme of the washing machine is the wrong colour!! Wrong colour? What’s that all about I asked myself? She says the handle of the kiddies paint brush which she uses to poke the switch to engage the programme of the washing machine is blue and it clashes with the autumn colours of the décor of the house extension in which the washing machine is kept! Can you believe that Blog, or can you believe that Blog? She wishes me to buy another paint brush with a sympathetic matching colour. Well I thought to myself, that she does work very hard around the house and deserved the occasional treat. I don’t want her to think that I take her for granted, so I took it upon myself to invest in a new paint brush despite the blue handled one being perfectly serviceable for a few years yet. I did a search of the Tesco and Argos catalogues, Toys-R-Us, and E-Bay and it was the latter where I eventually found a bargain from a little shop in Newhaven, Devon. Only 65p with 80p postage, which I thought quite reasonable. I shall of course advertise the blue handle brush on E-Bay because it will be surplus to requirements once the new brush arrives. And, it makes sense that by selling it on E-Bay I can recoup some of my expenditure on the new kiddies brush and my dear wife will not feel so bad about me splashing out some quid from my pension. I do hate her worrying.

                                              Colin