Midland Road Relays at Sutton Park, Birmingham Saturday March 23rd. RESULTS

So what did you do with your spare Saturday Blog? We all could have missed that relay race at Sutton Park at the weekend ….. the snow at Sutton Park was quite deep and the roads in places were totally impassable,  especially at the top of the course which is used by the spectators to run back and forth to view the runners twice on each of their legs. Of course, because there were no runners no spectators bothered to turn up so not a single spectator was trudging back and forth supporting none of their runners during the whole afternoon. Mind you there was little to see besides the snow tumbling down, not even the kids bothered to venture out to sledge! In September and October of last year, the Midland and the National men’s six stage and the women’s four stage didn’t take place at Sutton Park because of the e-collie outbreak amongst the wandering cows of the park, and now the twelve stage hits the snow dust. If this is taken up internationally, we could have the Olympics in 2016 not being stage in any country but Brazil. Or the Olympics not being staged anywhere in the world every three years out of four. Mind you Blog, conditions in Sutton Park, Birmingham were so white over on Saturday, that the Winter Olympics could have been held a year early.

For the Women’s Midland Road Relay however, scheduled for Saturday March 23^rd 2013, not single team turned out on time. It would have been quite impolite to all those aged officials who preferred to stop at home rather than risk hypothermia in the bitterly cold wind, if those runners who didn’t arrive hadn’t been so ungrateful.

 Godiva’s first runner might have been quickly away into the lead had she not slipped into oblivion on the first snow drift and ruined what could have been a close first leg if there had been any runners and she had not started without anyone else to run against. If she had bothered to turn out, she would have had it all her own way. Cool. Taking over for the second relay, Godiva’s young orienteer didn’t fill in at the last minute because our first choice on this leg, like the other six had heard on the local radio the night before that the event had been cancelled and decided to stay in bed. What are the coaches doing to encourage such attitudes? In my day, we would have all turned up and frozen to death without a single murmur of complaint. And we would have not been wearing gloves, nor t-shirts, nor leggings like the wimps do these days. We were men, with a capital ‘M’.

The third leg runner for our team would have blown the field apart because she is so fit. And she is quite a capable runner too. As it was, only the snow and wind were doing the blowing. Working together as a team, they had made the unrunable path by Keepers’ Pool unrunable; so it was extremely fortunate that none of the runners who didn’t turn up, didn’t have to run across that section of the course.

The fourth relay runner didn’t start very fast. Indeed, like all the rest of the team, she didn’t start at all. But in her case it was unforgivable because she only decided not to run at the last minute when she texted the team manager to say that she could not get out of her house because the snow had drifted so deep in her driveway. And she had done the local Park Run that morning.

So with no one else there, the fifth leg athlete might have had it all to do herself. None of the officials who had stayed at home were concerned at the lack of a competitive field and would have encouraged her to the day’s fastest time had they, or even her, been there. But they weren’t and she wasn’t so they didn’t and she wasn’t.

It is stating the obvious Blog, that the runner on our final leg would have really found the last uphill section to the finish difficult. The snow was so deep and underneath the white blanket, the road surface was very slippy indeed. In a tight finish, slipping and sliding would probably have caused adductor, not to mention abductor, problems the next day with the muscles being so stiff from not being used to racing in those conditions.

I think the organisers at the Midland Counties Office have decided to put the event on ice for a while until things have cooled down. Then in the summer they hope that the club runners will take a more responsible attitude to competition and  someone might turn up to relay around around.

                              Colin (writing from an igloo somewhere in Sutton Park, Birmingham)

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 143.2:- This is not the Midland Road Relay at Sutton Park on Saturday March 23rd 2013. BUT who is the chappie on the left playing Greta Garbo? 

Compensation for Blog.

CANCELLED

The Midland 12 stage Road Relay has hit the dust.

So to help cheer you up Blog after that massive disappointment…..

Another poem by Colin in the style of the minimalist Geeko School, popular in the surfing regions of Hann Oracs.

'Train

Strain

Pain

Job done.

Race

Pace

Place

Well done.'

'But if there is snow

It just goes to show

The race is no go.

That is a blow!'

Bet you can hardly wait for another cancelled race Blog?

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow .....

Dear Blog,

           What a difference a year makes …. Sweating last year, freezing and slipping in the snow twelve months later as in this year. But some things stay the same Blog. Trudging last night, over I go, crash, bang, wallop, what a picture lying thrashing about in agony outside the pub in Tile Hill. And did anyone help the poor old man? What a night I spent, tracksters torn and my gloves all rent. Grazed my hands, banged my thumb ….. And worse of all, I split the plate of my dentures, Blog, I kid you not. And that’s going to cost me a few quids, no doubt. The teeth on the right side of the top plate have buckled causing the metal to splinter. Nasty fall. It is very fortunate that in the tumble my face wasn’t damaged badly by the plate splitting. I suspect that it might have been because my false teeth were in my pocket at the time!!!

             Now tomorrow is the Midland 12 Stage Road Relay at Sutton Park. Dire warnings were issued on the television weather forecast last night as I sat there feeling sorry for myself nursing the bruising to my shoulder, neck and ego, that disruption from the snow fall was to be expected on Saturday. What a difference six months makes. I did moan about the six stage being cancelled because of e-collywobbles or something last October, but a repeat cancellation would this time around have my backing. The relays involve many runners from different clubs and a stack of willing officials. The event lasts four for hours plus and it is not nice to have a group of old people (no disrespect meant) standing about for that length of time in freezing snowy conditions. They may devote a great deal of time to their hobby and they do expect conditions to be rough at times but the body can only take so much. And the older you get, the more susceptible to weather conditions you do become. And it won’t be much fun for the officials either!

            And this unseasonable weather doesn’t help with the household chores does it Blog? Washing clothes for example. How to get your kit dry when it is cold and damp outside?? Not easy peasy. I allowed my wife to invest in a tumble drier recently to cope with the desmelling of my clothes and kit. She is not technically minded. Bless. All those dials and things on the front of the machine offer her an unfathomable puzzle. Bless. But look on the bright side I always say. For every dark cloud there is a silver lining if you look hard enough. And so it is with the new drier. My wife may not be au fait with the heat and time settings, but she is helping to solve the clothing problems of those poor displaced children in Syria. Bless her. All my woolly socks and jumpers have shrunk to child size. My thermal underwear now will fit a five year old, keep the Syrian kids warm in their refugee tents.  Bless her and I often do. So looking on the bright side of life, I am so fortunate that she does not go to the trouble of washing my trudging shoes. And also, having to replace the whole of my wardrobe with new clothes to fit me, will help that nice Mr. Cameroon and his Challenger, Ossie Osbourne, to solve the country’s economic problems with one big shop. With my help the clothing industry is about to come out of recession so that should please the Chairman of the Conservation Party, Mr. Wilfred Pickles. Did you know Blog, that he comes from Keighley like as what I dodo. Would I lie to you Blog? And that Keighley used to be a woolen town of some renown? True. Wilfred grew up like as what I diddid, amongst those dark satanic mills. Although by the time he was old enough to attend secondary school in the town, the Comprehensible system of education had been introduced and the old Grammar School had been confined to a footnote in the history of the borough.

           So for tomorrow, it’s “Snow, snow faster, Ally ally aster” like as what we used to say when Wilfred and I were kids in Keighley.

                                 Colin

Santander - the peeeeeple's bank.

Dear Blog,

                Let me state at the outset that I have never had a problem with my shoe laces in a race. Never, touch wood; say three hail Marys and turn to face the moon. In training yes. Some brands are notorious for the quality of their shoe laces. The material is all wrong, lack of friction causing slipping and then the lace becomes untied. Even after knotting! Wosh, enough said. I have a special way of tying my laces which not only ensures that they always stay tied but with one pull of one of the ends, slip undone without effort or the need to fiddle with the lace knots. Clever or what Blog?? As I wrote at the start of this little message to you Blog, my shoe laces have never come undone in a race ………… But wotif ..

           If I raced and my shoe lace became unfastened I might question why. If in a second competition, my laces became untied I would begin to ask question why because the result of a race is very important and a great deal of time is devoted towards training to win a race and that object is ruined when you have to stop in a race to retie an errant shoe lace. If the situation arose where every time I raced my shoe laces, one or both, invariably became untied I would investigate the matter and do my very best to find a solution because the result of a race is very important and that is what a great deal of time is devoted towards. Stick with the analogy Blog. Concentrate.

       I have had reason to ring up my bank four times in the last three weeks. I must say they have rather nice music to listen to while you spend time ‘on hold’ and I do get a bit annoyed when they keep repeatedly interrupting the tune to tell that I am in a queue and  my phone message is important to them. Connection to a VOICE is made and I am given a stack of options from which to choose. I select the appropriate one so that I can be given a further set of options from which I select the most suitable. Then comes the questions which may recorded for training purposes as my bank have the most highly trained staff on the high street. The time they must spend training probably accounts for the long time I have to wait in a queue listening to their rather nice music. They are all probably learning to play a musical instrument to enable the Bank to record a different tune at some time in the far distant future. Any ways, then comes the questions one of which asks me to state my date of birth in a six figure number …. I never know what the next question is because I never get that far. The VOICE doesn’t like my six figure number and I make the mistake of giving up and starting to redial my Bank all over again. MISTAKE BIG TIME. The whole procedure is repeated when I ring up again. Viz:- I must say they still have rather nice music to listen to while you spend time ‘on hold’ because my phone message is still important to them. Connection to a VOICE is eventually made and I am given a stack of options from which to choose. The same stack of options as before. I select the appropriate one (the same one as before, the VOICE has either forgotten or doesn’t recognise my voice, [so much for regarding my message as important if they forget what I have said in the space of a couple of minutes] so that I can be given a the same set of the further set of options as previously stated and from which I again select the most suitable. Then comes the questions [again] which may recorded for training purposes as my bank have the most highly trained staff on the high street. The time they must spend training probably accounts for the long time I have to wait in a queue listening to their rather nice music. They obviously haven’t mastered the instrument they chose the last time I phoned. Any ways, then comes the questions one of which asks for my date of birth in a six figure number …. Now this is where I outwit the VOICE. Clever me. The VOICE doesn’t like my six figure number again again again but I don’t hang up. FOOLED YE! The VOICE asks again for my date of birth as a six figure number. The VOICE still doesn’t like my six figure number but I still don’t hang up. For a third time the VOICE asks for my date of birth as a six figure number but doesn’t like what it hears, it breaks down in tears and passes me over to a real human being. No messing. No smarmy talk about the importance of my custom, none of that bollocks. Straight in. I do miss the music though, it was getting quite addictive. I was getting quite fond of that particular air! As I said to you Blog I have had reason to ring up my bank four times in the last three weeks and have had to go through the whole of this farce four times. On the fourth occasion I asked to speak to a superior and said that the Bank’s Voice was having trouble with my date of birth given as a six figure number. I was asked if I used to be a Scottish Mutual customer in the days before the carpet baggers came along and stole the members silver. I said I was. “Ah, that’s the problem sir. We always have problems with customers from the Scottish Mutual when they try to give their date of birth. It is a regular problem. It happens every time.” !!!! Now Blog, is it me or is it me??? As a multi international bank, wouldn’t you think my custom was REALLY important to them as they kept telling me and would do something about their problem instead of pissing me off every time I phone? So I won’t be phoning Spain again thank you very much. I will try to find a bank which plays a different tune!

                                       Colin

      P.S. And …. I don’t know whether in the circumstances I should admit this … but I will. My nephew is a senior person in Santander. And in which department you ask Blog? Well I am glad that you asked that question Blog. He is the department which is the section which deals with computer problems within the Bank!!! Blog, I kid you not!!!!

THE Crick Run, Rugby 17th March 2013 result

Hot off the press
Dear Blog,
               Quick ........
                                 ............. you'll never believe this Blog. 30 minutes, yes THIRTY MINUTES, ago I had reason to travel back from Kilsby near Rugby ... and guess what? GUESS WHAT. You will never believe me Blog. Sign at the side of the road "Caution Runners", on a Sunday afternonn. What's trhe event mate????? You will never believe it Blog. It was the annual race from Rugby School. THE CRICK RUN ... the oldest race in the world?????? 175 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They were caked in mud. Incredible. And the publicity. ZERO, ZILCH,  NOWT, NUTTIN.
                          And as you read this Blog, they have not yet probably finished. Can you believe it BLOG?
                                  Colin

A 'Coventry Way' event on April 7th 2013

Dear Blog,

       Sunday April 7^th is a big day in the Kirkham household calendar. It is the day of the annual ‘A Coventry Way’ walk / run, an event encompassing 40 miles of footpaths which circumnavigates the city of Coventry. The event has been renamed in honour of the late Cyril Bean who did so much to promote the idea of a pleasant walk on the city boundary, never is any point on the route more than 5 miles from the city centre. The field has reached it’s advertised limit of 250 entries long ago, but Blog, if you wish to join the Kirkham extended entourage, you are more than welcome. Although you cannot now enter, you can now enter with us!!! You do not have to raise any sponsorship; that is entirely up to you. So there is no pressure then!!!? We will be covering the route in an informal relay fashion with each runner / walker doing just as much or as little as each runner / walker wishes. For example, my grandson who is in a wheel chair will be doing the section along the newly tarmacked path along the Kenilworth Greenway (aka the route of proposed HS2 which received a fillip in the High Court yesterday!) with his mum. We will try to raise a few quids for Tiny Tims Children’s Centre which provides help for disable children. A couple of staff will be in the team. Do come along Blog. How far will you wish to run / walk Blog? Bring a couple of the Blog family with you. The start is 6am but that is very flexible … In the case of the Kirkham Entourage, it will be very, very flexible. The organisers provide drinks and sandwiches at many points around the route

A few years ago I ran round by myself. In those days the runners were supposed to start at 9am. I had arranged for my wife to be at certain points around the route at given times with drinks as a boiling hot day had been forecast. In those days it was held in the summer time when the weather was nice. I arrived early at the nine o’clock start. The organiser told me that there was no need to wait until the official start time of 9am as I could set off when convenient to me as there was a running watch to record starters and finishers. So off I trudged 40 minutes early. That was a BIG mistake with a capital ‘B’, Blog, I kid you not. A MEGA BIG mistake. Why you ask? Read on ……. I soon caught the back markers, the first slow walkers despite their departure being a couple of hours before mine and I arrived at my first, then my second prearranged drinks station with no sign of my wife but at this early stage I was not unduly perturbed. The other feed stations came and went, the sun got higher, the mercury crept relentless upward. After a couple of hours I had overtaken the whole field and was now beginning to get really worried at the non-appearance of my wife. Worries about accidents etc began to fester. The endless climbing of stiles and field gates was beginning to tire me and the desire for a drink was predominant in my thoughts. I was arriving at the official watering stations well before they were set up by the volunteers because they did not expect anyone through their checkpoint so early; this I foresaw, hence my arrangements with my wife to supply me with drinks during my trek around the forty miles. Slowly the penny dropped as my thirst grew. By setting out forty minutes before I was supposed to do, the timing of the points at which I had scheduled to meet my wife had become meaningless … and of course she was completely oblivious of my position on the course, thinking she had missed me because my planned schedule had been over optimistic; she started searching back towards the start, not thinking for one minute that I was miles ahead in the other direction. After a shade over five hours I arrived at the finish in record time and finally was able to get a drink. Forty miles in blistering sun with no liquid intake was a dangerous exercise for any athlete. ANY athlete. It was only because I had acclimatised over the many years by always running in excessive amounts of extra kit and knowing how to cope with a lack of water that my plight was no worse than it actually was. At the finish with a steady supply of water / shandy / tea / coffee, I did eventually recover after a couple of hours of slipping in and out of consciousness. Lying on the grass in the hot sun in the shade of a tree opposite the pub where the event ended, few spectators realised just how bad my situation actually was; they thought I was playing it cool so I played along and I pretended to be enjoying the post-race euphoria; but the periods of enforced unconsciousness must have been patently obvious to an astute observer. The First Aid had cottoned on and were worried and checked on me frequently but were reassured by me as to my state of being. My wife eventually arrived and instead of showing concern, gave me a bollocking in front of the assembled throng for wasting her morning and afternoon forcing her to drive fruitless around the Warwickshire countryside cooped up in a car on a boiling hot day!!!

          No such drama is expected on April 7^th Blog, I can assure you. The course is much easier to negotiate with kissing gates instead of the 136 gates and stiles I had to climb. The underfoot conditions are much improved with a solid couple of miles on the Greenway and no fear of heavy plough and the like in the fields. Footpaths will be much more runnable than they were a dozen years ago, through familiar and frequent usage. There will be no scorching sun. Promise!!! Everyone out to enjoy the run / trudge / walk. Perhaps if the weather is pleasant we can organise a Bar-b-q? Interested Blog et al?????

Oh yes and its my wife’s birthday on April 7th I believe ……………………..

                                 Colin

Old King Coal was a merry old sole and a merry old soul was he ..

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 140:- This gentleman was not a particular star …. but he knew how to work his handicap!! I don’t suppose you know his name Blog, or why he was special … what did he organise??? Where did he work???? All the answers are contained in my ‘History of Coventry Godiva Harriers and Other Clubs in the City’. If I could finance it, I would produce it in three volumes:- Volume 1 “The First 67 Years”, Volume 11 “The Second 67 Years” and Volume 111 “Me, Myself and I”.

Dear Blog,

          One of my trudges, used when tired, is from the Warwick University to the Greenway (the old railway track) and around the country pathways, taking in Crackley Woods, and back. Twenty five years ago, there was great concern because the area around the old railway track was the preferred site for the proposed new super coal pit. Part of the reasoning for that particular choice was the simplified infra-structure offered to the coal mine by the easy reinstatement of this railway, closed by the Dr Beeching cuts of 1963 (March 27^th is the 50^th anniversary of his report – a report that change the face of transportation in this country, Blog, I kid you not). Now Daw Mill, a few miles to the north was closed down for good last week due to an underground fire with the loss of several hundred jobs. Daw Mill was the site of the foundation of the Democratic Mineworkers Union, which backed Thatcher in her fight with the National Union of Mineworkers, the conflict causing so much family strife when close relations opted to support different factions in the dispute, brother against brother, father against son; I taught in a mining village at the time and it was not a nice place to be. Daw Mill leaves millions of tons of coal reserves under Warwickshire. Interesting that not only those reserves but the vast coalfield stretching towards Birmingham would be easily accessible from the Greenway area … and of course, with the building of High Speed 2 railway line, a means of distribution of mined coal stocks would be available with no cost of expensive infra-structure in the form of a rail head, falling on the Coal Company – a mouthwatering prospect, killing a whole flock of birds with a single well aimed stone. It has been tentatively suggested already in high energy places (or so I am lead to believe, hint, hint, nod, nod) and at least one Freedom of Information Act request has been made for any details that may or may not be available to the public at the moment. Six months down the line (pun intended Blog!! Is that clever or is that clever??) the newspapers will climb on board the train (oh Colin, you are such a literary tease). It will be intriguing to see which way the politicians play the story with an election not too far away … HS2, environment, national energy shortage looming, stacks of easily accessible coal (without the need for a deep mine?). Mmmmmm interesting.

       As part of my ‘History of Coventry Godiva Harriers and Other City Clubs’ I get requests for information about relatives who may or may not have been in Godiva. I have said this to you before Blog. Also I get supplies of information from interested relatives which often opens up new lines of enquires to me. One such request last week, involved me doing a search of results in the 70s. Have I told you before Blog, that I never kept a training log Blog, of my performances. Slogging through pages and pages of past results, I was amazed to find that I had run on the track at Crystal Palace in the Inter Counties!!! I could remember running in the 20 mile road race (32 kilometres to you Blog) for my county but have not the slightest recollection of running 10 kilomtres on the track. Worrying or what Blog?????????????? Now ask me what my trudge was ten days, ten months, ten years ago and there is no problem, but yesterday’s evening meal. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

               Cloin