This Blog you will never believe. No way, not now, not ever. Stranger than fiction … if you saw it on the box you would switch off as it being preposterous!! But do read on Blog if you have nothing better to do, after all, would I lie to you Blog? ….
My good wife and I have been in wedded bliss for more years than you have had custard puddings. Anyways, for some reason known only to her, she decides that she would like a new three piece suite. Now I am not saying she is greedy or wastes money, but she did have a brand new one when we got married. I told her that I did not think it was a particularly good idea but she was adamant and the ants. I told her that I thought our suite had another good twenty years of service still left in it if we only sat on it at weekends and when we had visitors and as we do not have visitors, read twenty five years of service instead of twenty years of service. Then my wife of many years went NUTS. BANANAS. Shouting and carrying on. She said “That’s it. Its either a new suite or I am going to leave you for good.” Now I tell you Blog I was worried, really worried with a capital ‘W’. I have had to make some really hard decisions in my life but this was one of the most difficult. I was on the horns of a dilemma. A new suite or she leaves me for good. The big question Blog, is - can I trust her to keep her word???
Now I have always been one for a quiet life but after three days of not talking to each other because she wanted a new three piece suite and I already had one, the total silence was becoming unnerving even for me. So she buys a three piece suite although I told her I still thought it was a mistake as the sales representative in the furniture section of the Cooperative Department Store busied himself thinking what he would do with the mega commission he had just earned himself. When I told him that I thought the idea of buying a new suite so soon after we were married was a bad idea, he just smiled and carried on looking through his holiday brochures.
Anyways yesterday was D Day – Delivery Day. And sure enough, just as my dear wife of many years was ladling the caviar into my bowl with my bacon and black pudding, the three piece suite men arrived.
No way through the servants quarters nor the kitchen door could the sofa be carried they concluded after a cursory inspection, so it had to be through the front door of the Manse. So they try and they try and they fail miserably and they complain that they still have ten more deliveries to make and they haven’t had time for a lunch for ten years. Tough Titty. And I knew it was a mistake, this suite business. I take the front door of the Manse off and they try and they try and they wedge the sofa firmly in the hallway. Blog I kid you not. And they complain that they still have ten more deliveries to make and they haven’t had time for a lunch for ten years. Even tougher Titty. And I knew it was a big mistake this new suite business. They try to take the sofa through the lounge door and they try and they try and they fail miserably. And I take off the lounge door and they complain that they still have ten more deliveries to make and they haven’t had time for a lunch for ten years. Tough Titty squared mate. And I knew it was a bad idea this new suite business. They try to withdraw the sofa from the lounge door space and get it firmly wedged and they scratch the wood work on the sofa and they take the paintwork off the door frame which does not have a door attached. And they complain that they still have ten more deliveries to make and they haven’t had time for a lunch for ten years. Titty, titty titty mate! What about my paintwork? And I knew it was a really bad idea this suite business. It is now nearly time for my tea and my caviar soup has got cold, my bacon is no longer crisp and my black pudding has stopped bleeding. And they get the sofa out of the hallway finally and they load up the sofa and the two chairs which have been sitting in the lane for the last couple of hours and I certainly knew it was a bad idea, this suite business. And as they drove off down the Lane they still had ten deliveries to make and they had missed lunch again. Bugger.
I phoned the Furniture Section of the Cooperative Department Store to find a solution to my dilemma. Yea, I am about to put a brand new replacement window in my lounge next Wednesday and yea, the sofa would fit through the hole ….. And I know that is a good idea. Now the thing is because the suite was arriving yesterday, I had dismantled our old three seater sofa and two chairs to make room for the arrival of the new replacements and stacked the sections in one of the garden sheds, the one down by the orchard; another sign of my generosity to my wife of so many years. Bought when we were first married it cost mega quids. The things were constructed by Arkana, which at the moment, is the top of the retro collectors lists; mainly because the company is something of a mystery!!! Blog I kid you not. The sofa and two chairs all were built using a single ‘allen’ key, the frame being high quality chrome and the seating high quality leather. Now with a week until I take out the window for the refurbished renovated brand new suite to arrive, my dear wife of many years has moaned and moaned until I rebuilt a couple of chairs for us to sit on
Colin
So Blog, a slightly different take …………………
Photograph Quiz:
and in bits ….
Photo no. 133: A chance for you to support Tiny Tim’s Children’s Centre, Blog. I am selling my old suite for a ten quids at least, whatever I get goes to the Children’s Charity for disable children. The suite can be a three seater sofa and two chairs, or a four seater sofa and one chair or a five seater sofa or four chairs … and the whole lot will fit into your car Blog. A quality flat pack, none of your Ikea nonsense. As I wrote above, it was like dead posh when new and cost very very many quids. Get in touch Blog, no messing. Chrome and leather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. Thanks again …. The bright green cones on the motorway you tell me, is to denote the entrance and the exit for the works traffic onto their works section of the hard shoulder … well you live and learn Blog.
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