Photo no 202:
Statement:- Having failed in his attempt to set a new U.K. marathon record, Mo Farah has announced the names of his new coaching advisors . The photo shows them meeting for the first time.
Dear Blog,
As I said in my last letter, the 2015 London Marathon is proposed to start in Bradford. This of course has caused some logistical problems. To help alleviated some of these, the new advisors to that nice Mr Cameroon (see above) has come up with a novel solution which Mr Cameroon had accepted chapter and verse, so everyone is singing from the same hymn sheet. So that’s O.K.. To ensure a Bradford start to the 2015 London Marathon, the Premier has made the generous offer to the of rushing through the H2S Rail Bill using his Parliamentary Privilege and the help of his close friend Cleggie, to allow an amendment from the Honourable Member for Bradford, to extend the H2S branch line from Birmingham to Bradford instead of Leeds. With their use of a four line whip, completion should take place before they begin the 2015 London Marathon. The branch line will, of course, solve the problem of finishing the London Marathon along Bird Cage Walk as usual with the new start in Bradford and the traditional distance of 26 miles 385 yards (42.5 Kilometres to you Blog) will be maintained. To facilitate these changes, the marathon runners will assemble at Valley Parade (the home of Bradford City’s football club), run the 400 yards (385 metres to you Blog) passed the Department store of Busby’s and drop down to the Forster Square Railway Station, hop on the first High Speed Train out of Bradford, jogging on the spot in each specially adapted seat less carriages while the train speeds south through the countryside,(predicted time of 1hr 55mins according to Mr Vine Grove, the man that nice Mr Cameroon has put in charge of the Ministry of Sums and Difficult Spellings (MOSAD). Arriving at the Embankment Underground Station, runners quickly disembark, run up the escalator and out onto the Thames Embankment to complete the race along the usual last mile of the marathon course. As we have been promised by Ministry of Transport and Wild Imagination, the shuttle will travel so fast, the marathoners will soon get to London; and by continuing to run on the spot as the marathon runners travel to the capital, the correct marathon distance will be covered. The whole course, as usual, will be monitored by CCTV cameras, to spot anyone cheating – there will be no popping out of one carriage into another to shorten the distance; each 10 kilometre split will be timed as normal procedure for the race thus avoiding this year’s cockup where someone managed a world record half marathon time for the second sector of the London Marathon!!! Instead of the traditional pre-race pasta party, there will be a fish and chip supper at Harry Ramsden’s Fish Bar in Guiseley. The famous runner Wilson (of the Wizard Harriers), who used to live in a cave on Ilkley Moor, will give a talk at the Marathon Expo on ‘The Advantages of the Hair Shirt to Marathon Runners’. Do you remember the fuss Blog, when he transferred from the Wizard Harriers to the Rover A.C. without serving the mandatory life time ban?
The Elite Runners will catch the first train out of Foster Square, the Championship runners will embark onto the second train rom Bradford while the slow joggers will be allowed on the milk train. The Wheel Chair competitors will set off first after having their wheels especially adapted to the correct gauge of the railway lines. The impaired sight runners will not be allowed a guide in 2015 as the rails will keep them on the straight and narrow. The money saved by the organisers by not having to pay expenses to the blind runners’ guides, will be donated to Tiny Tims Children’s Centre in Coventry which provides physiotherapy to disable children; as you know, Blog, I have raised money for the Charity before. The annual Mini Marathon for kids can be run on the branch line from Bradford’s Forster Square to Ilkley Grand Central where they can run up and down Dale on Ilkley Moor bar tat with Mary Jane being invited as guest starter.
Colin
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