Manchester Marathon result ... wet, wet, wet???

Boy was it wet this morning Blog? Or was it wet?

Yes it was, yes it was.

Pouring down with water

Pouring down with water.

Oh dear me, oh dear me.

Soaking wet, soaking wet.

Splashing round in water,

Splashing round in water.

Oh dear me, oh dear me.

This morning was the final Fun Run at the Centurions’ monthly ‘5’ mile races. My granddaughter ran the Fun Run, accompanied by her mum, who then ran and won the ‘5’!!! Amazing that so many people can enjoy themselves in the cold and wet while I am as miserable as sin. At the presentation, my granddaughter was as pleased as punch when her name was called out and she found that she had won a plaque in the Fun Run for being 3^rd in the overall series run throughout the winter months; her first ever award!!!! She was dead chuffed until a few minutes later when her mum’s name was read out because she had finished second overall in the senior women’s section!!! Déjà vu!!! Rewind twenty years and it was like watching my kids win plaques only to find their mother had won as well!!! Of course for me, the most satisfying aspect of all this awards’ business, is not so much the fact the family have amassed a stack of medals etc. over the years, but the fact that they still enjoy the competition and the training. So what happened to all their friends who were so good when my children were small???  I’ll tell you what has happened Blog. They have lost interest; that is what has happened to them. Their friends were probably a lot better than my two, but their friends were told they were good by their parents and the club coaches, whereas my kids could train if they wanted to or not. Relaxed. No hang ups please. They were allowed to have a laugh if they wanted.

A true story Blog, I kid you not. One of the club coaches must have had a couple of dozen girls in her group. Some were talented. The coach was always so desperate to produce a successful athlete; time and record every single step they take. One particularly talented girl was told not to associate with my daughter as my daughter ‘didn’t take her athletics seriously enough’! And Blog, who is the only girl in the group still competing today???

In another life, I was interested to find out the reason (s) for the dropout rate of young females from athletics. Part of this investigation involved a series of open ended questions answered anonymously by the target group. And guess what?? Blog I kid you not …. ‘BOREDOM’ … or words to that effect. One reply put her reason quite succinctly … ‘I know what training I will be doing this time next year; the same as I was doing this time last year.’ To précis … ‘no fun’ or ‘too serious’ were also offered as explanation. I had to go to considerable trouble to find a large enough sample of girls who had already left the sport to gain some insight. I found the results unsurprising. Observe down any club how unstructured the training set by the coaches seems to be over a given time (well to me looking in from the outside). Some athletes have been known to quip that the given session was conceived on the way down to the track. And the thought given by the great uncoached ….. ‘What are you doing tonight?’ or, for the more democratically reared, ‘What shall we do tonight?’

And now for a treat Blog ….. at last I have remembered to give you a quiz answer. An answer!!!! Are you excited Blog? Or are you excited?? .. the first of many if I remember to take my new memory pills. Ever so good they are. Really. Some bloke from Nigeria sold them to me on the computer message thing. I won a lottery at the same time. When the winnings arrive I will treat you Blog. Promise. I think I will treat myself to a pair of new running shoes now that my rib cage bones are healing so well. I got some pills for my ribs off the same bloke. …. Trudging? No way.   …   Jogging? Not on your life. …  Running? You’ve said it Blog.          Running with a capital ‘R’.

So

Photo no. 49:- Why is this Olympian and former world record holder shaking my hand? Or am I shaking his hand? Where were we? What was the occasion? Who is he?

The occasion was the launch of Manchester’s bid to stage the Olympic Games. It took place at Tatton Park … the launch not the Olympics!!! The athlete is Olympic bronze medallist and former world record holder for the mile, Derek Ibbotson. I first met Derek when I was 17 years old, two days after joining my first athletics club, Bingley Harriers ... and before my first Inter Club Cross Country Race. Derek ran for Longwood Harriers (which is in Huddersfield).

                                                     Colin

What to do after the London Marathon?

Now Blog,

You have finished the London Marathon a year and four days ago. You are still unable to walk. What do you do? Well the house renovation needs finishing so you are inspired into action. Not true; you have been nagged for years by your wife to get the kitchen floor in the servant's quarters sorted and because you have finished the London Marathon on all fours, your resistance is low and all you want is a good sleep and a bit of peace and quiet to recover before you leap into action for your next trudge.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

      Being a tight sod, and just supposing you were given a selection of Victorian and modern day tiles which were badly in need of renovating which most people would chuck out; different sizes, different thicknesses, different shades and just suppose you lived in an old farmhouse which badly needed renovating and just suppose you had plenty of spare time to do said renovating because your trudging was going depressingly slowly (cf above). What would you do?? Quite right Blog. You would design a kitchen floor that had all kinds of  hidden mathematical puzzles so you could use up the selection of Victorian and modern day tiles which were badly in need of renovating which most people would chuck out and so you could use up the found selection of different style Victorian tiles. Space available :-Kitchen => 12’ square. On offer:- Victorian 1½ ” thick small … post war ½” thick small … Victorian orange soft 2” thick large … very old dark red 1½” thick large … few shiny  post war large …and   fact:-  4 smalls tiles measure the same length as 3 bigs ish. The Victorian dangly kitchen light is central. 4 purple triangles, 5 purple squares to what do with? Extra old squares found under layer of lino tiles which were over modern large square reds (but most were unusable from years of wear and tear by clogs) which was over 6” of sand which was over very old orange squares some of which were useable. But the design Blog, the design?? What about a design which would not upset English Heritage when they come to list the Mansion? How to create a design?? Quite right Blog, you would go for a long trudge to work out a design …. Well two trudges actually (and of course they were just after the London Marathon from which you are tired)  And here you have it Blog => picture please James …..JAMES, I said PICTURES.

Total cost about nowt for the tiles and 15 quids for sand and cement not bad even for a tight sod? Are you impressed Blog or are you impressed? OK. Please yourself. The carpet comes tomorrow.

                                    Colin

PS Trudging last night, past a group doing efforts (repetitions), I must confess that I was forced to smile (inwardly to myself of course, one does want to lose my miserable demeanour, does one Blog?)… “The next one, I want you to do at 70% effort.” And two minutes later. “And now, I want this one to be at 80% effort”. If not mathematical then physiological nonsense???? But the coach had lots of badges … so I trudged on before I found out if the next effort was going to be at 110% effort.  

2012 London Marathon plus one day

Ok Blog, so I have calmed down a bit now. But. The selectors for our Games never fail to amaze. Going back some 50 years, two athletes were preselected for the Olympic marathon leaving one place to be fought over at the ‘trial’ where at least three runners were capable of representing GB with success. Not fair. Not fair at all. The third runner selected was Godiva’s Brian Kilby, current European and Commonwealth Champion …. But he still had to prove himself in the AAA Championships; having to grind out another marathon, a summer race in searing heat. He finished 4^th in the Olympics and would probably have medalled if it hadn’t been for the idiotic pre-selection decision and the forced run off which was so close to the Games that it must have seriously hampered his podium chances. On Sunday, at least two athletes in the women’s race were capable of representing GB at the Olympic Games in London, but there was only one place available. When so many athletes are so close to selection, why do not the selectors state simply that the first three to finish earn their Games place. Everyone knows the criteria, no favourites, everyone knows when to peak for a trial, everyone toes the line with the same weather conditions, the same course, the same competition; biased media support then counts for nothing. That is what basically happened following the mess up in 1964. The procedure stood the test of time until the selectors were stupid enough to be conned into a selection procedure when athletics started to go ‘open’ and certain marathon runners could use the system by finding a ‘favourable’ marathon somewhere across the world where the pressure was off and an easy time could be posted leaving all the rest of us mugs to fight it out against the odds at the AAA Championships.

And another thing the selectors cannot sort out ….. they seem to operate two sets of criteria, have double standards. If you take a dispassionate view of the results and the times of the women’s race, the GB women are so far off the world standards (read ‘African’) that they stand little chance of a medal. That being the situation, why send THREE when the identical case can be argued that the men are in precisely the same position but only ONE will run. Are the selectors blinkered by the athletic press observations which talk up the women and how good they are in world terms but talk down the men and how bad there are in world terms. A smattering of statistical procedures shows that in mathematical terms, there is no significance difference between the medal chances of the men and the women if THREE per nation are considered; not to be blinded by red herrings that show a 150 or whatever Kenyans have achieved the ‘A’ standard for the marathon and not quite that many GB athletes have!!! Nor to be blinded by outstanding performance eons ago … time will not age us’ …oh yes it will!!!!!!!!!!

On the other hand …. how many selectors know what happens to an athlete mentally during the course of 26 odd miles? It is an experience alien to them. Jogging a marathon ain’t the same as an eyeballs marathon!!! Neither is it quite the same as 100m run me thinks, or chucking a stick about. If all our expert coaches can’t get the marathon times down to respectability (read 30 years ago), and they are supposed to be qualified to understand the marathon, what chance has a selector of knowing how a given marathon runner will perform??

                            Colin

London Marathon 2012 Results

Dear Blog,

    Have you seen the London Marathon result?? I’ll tell you what the London Marathon result was … it was a threat to my marriage, that was what it was. A threat with a capital ‘T’. I didn’t get a cup of tea in bed. I had to make my own breakfast. I had to make my own lunch and guess who will be making my tea???? The London Marathon should NOT be shown on TV. NO. Not at all. Either that or give me a marriage settlement so that I can employ someone who will look after me in the manner to which I have become accustomed. My wife gets up early, goes downstairs switches on the TV … and that’s it. Plugged in. A solid five hour session. Eyes bulging, agog at the screen watching clowns, elephants, rhinos etc etc etc etc.. She even asked me to make her lunch. ME. MAKE HER LUNCH!!!!!!!!!!! 40 odd years of marriage and she asks me to make her lunch. What planet is she on??????????????????????? Planet Imagination. The only consolation of this London Marathon on TV lark is that I saw no one, NOT A SOUL on my morning trudge. Will write again later when I have calmed down a little ….. and had my tea at the pub!!!

                       Colin

IOC to ban team from London Olympics 2012?

Dear Blog,

             I told you so, I said it would happen. Inevitable. At least it wasn’t us that have been rumbled. YET.

Did you catch the BBC News this morning? If you remember when I wrote to you about the Olympic Rings, I said that the IOC was very protective of their five intersecting circles and that they took no prisoners. They won’t allow the unauthorised use of the ring symbol or any variation; prosecution will follow any abuse. They would pursue in the Courts of Law any person or organisation who takes advantage by misuse. I said we had to be very careful with our memorabilia idea; I emphasised that we had to be watchful about where we marketed our trinkets, didn’t I Blog?? Fourwarned is to before harmed. Well the crackdown has started according to the press agencies and what was on the News this morning. I told you so, I said it would happen. Inevitable.

An executive meeting of the IOC was held this morning when the subject of the Archery Competition in the Olympic Games in London 2012 was discussed at some length. The BBC News 24 reported that legal action had been taken against the Archery Association for the unauthorised use of the Olympic Rings symbol. The Archery Association have been accused of defying the two acts of Parliament which prohibits the misuse of Olympic Logos … check out the Acts if you doubt me Blog, look it up in the Dukes of Hansard. They, the Archery Association, Phil, Dan, Doris etc., have been ordered by the High Court to cease the use of the logo with immediate effect. It appears that the Archery Association has bastardised the five intersecting rings and have had the audacity to reformulate them into concentric circles so that they could be used as a target for competitive purposes.[the rings are inside each other and have been mounted on a thick straw backing, apparantly] SACRILIDGE. The competition has been formally banned from the Olympic programme for London 2012. The Rings [concentric] are no longer allowed to be used. BUT. To ameliorate the feelings of the bow and arrowers, the IOC has devised a different form of competition to overcome the loss of their target shootings, whilst still satisfying the spirit of the Games. SO. Hyde Park will be used as the new venue of the new competition. Archers of each Nation will be divided into two teams, namely, the Robins and the Hoods. Each bower will be allowed six arrows. You can tell when the game starts because an arrow will be shot at an apple and the sound of pips squeaking is the signal to commence. The winning team of each Nation will advance to the first round proper. In all Games, members of a team will be allowed to hide behind trees, but not a member of the public. 1 point will be awarded for a hit by an arrow on an opposition team member; a bonus point will be given if a serious injury is caused and bonus of two point for a kill. After 30 minutes or when all arrows of both teams have been shafted, whichever is the longer, the team which has amassed the most points will be declared the winner to advance to the next round … those hit by an arrow, including the dead, will not be allowed to compete in the next round. Pedestrians are advised not to use Hyde Park during periods when competition is taking place. If they insist in on a walk in the park, they must be aware that they do so at their own risk. Promenaders who make a habit of strolling with an apple balanced on their head are strongly advised to desist from this habit for the duration of the Games. At the present time, LOCOG have confirmed that Archery is the only Olympic Event still with a surplus of tickets. The Trail Event in Sherwood Forest, earlier in the year, ended in confusion, when Lord Coe (a right goody two shoes) was adamant that he wouldn’t stand and deliver and Little John was arrested for loitering in the bushes. Maid Marian escaped with a caution.

An Olympic Gold Medal will be awarded to the last man standing, silver to the individual with the highest points total, whether dead or alive. A Bronze will be awarded to each survivor.

Boyed on by the courts accepting that any variation of the Olympic Rings contravenes the copyright of the IOC, and the successful prosecution of the Archery Association, means that the legal advisers of the IOC are looking at the possibility of pursuing the RAF in the courts over their Logo.

                                     Colin  

So who is coming to town?

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 96:- Who is this Olympic Walker who joined Godiva? Which club was he in before he joined Godiva? In which Olympic Games did he walk? What record does he hold concerning the Olympic Games??

Dear Blog,

         Am I a bigot, Blog or am I not? I am not.

Newspapers tell a good story especially if they have a vested interest. Local radio also plays its part. The officers of local councils are paid a good salary, a very good salary. Local councils spend an awful lot of money in employing ‘advisors’ to perform various functions … save the council money through efficiency savings, select the most appropriate design for a new development within the authority, help with an  ‘overall development plan’, and so on and so forth. You know the kind of thing Blog.

Coventry is the thirteenth [or is it 11^th?] largest city in the UK, I believe. You may know differently Blog?? Invariably, Coventry underperforms relative to similar sized authorities (e.g. the ‘Guardian’ survey two Saturdays ago referring to house values … Coventry did not even rank) Sport fares little better; look at the performance of the football, rugby, athletic results for confirmation, Blog.

From the announcement that London had won the Olympic Bid, the chances of Coventry benefitting from being the base of a National Team has been talked up in all the appropriate areas. Specific personnel have been appointed by the City to further Coventry’s claim for a piece of the action together with attendant staff to publicise the benefits of the City to any interested Country. The local football stadium being selected for some of the football tournament games was a tangible result but not quite the juicy prize envisage in the publicity material which has been produced in volumes over the last five years. The prospect of a high performing nation being based in the city was the carrot which was dangled in front of the citizens of Coventry.

So …. Birmingham gets the USA and Jamaica. No surprise there. Look at who is based in Loughborough. Look who is based in Manchester.

Coventry gets the wrestlers and boxers of Bhutan. Bhutan??? Now I’m not racist and I cannot claim that one of my best friends is a Bhutanian. But Bhutan?? I will welcome the Bhutanians along with the best of the rest of the citizens of Coventry, but I am sure that everyone did not expect to have to rush to an atlas with a magnifying glass to find where the nation the City was to host actually came from. The impression fostered by those doing the City’s P.R. work was that a high profile country was on its way to enjoy the facilities of both Coventry’s Universities and the City’s sports facilities.

So a lot of money spent on 5 years of P.R.. Money well spent?? If not, why not?? Prospects delivered? If not, who carries the can?? Promises fulfilled?? If not, should someone fall on their sword?? Have the City come up a little short?? If so, how short??

It depends on the viewpoint …. Is the glass half full, or is the glass half empty?? If it the glass is half full, there must be time to fill it??? Football base??? If the glass is half empty, there must be time to fill it???? Football base????

Come on Blog, use your influence!!

                        Colin

Rap up tight, it's cold outside

Dear Blog,

Get wivit man. This to be wrapped up usin Snoot Daddies ‘Grassin Up’.

“Gotta go out trainin

Even tho its rainin

Wearin wet suit clothin

Stop me getin soakin

Hate it when its hailin

Moreso when its freezing

Doesn’t stop me strainin

Doesn’t stop me trainin.

But wish the sun was shinin

An me skin was burnin

Turning white ‘t brownin

Like it when I’m sweatin.

Slippin

Skatin

Slidin

Concentrate on stayin

Upright, not fallin.

Got to get the miles in

Never see me smilin

Shouild be doin gardnin

Got to get the miles in

Lots of seeds need plantin

Got to get the miles in

Grassy lawn needs mowin

Got to get the miles in

Hedges needin clippin

Got to get the miles in

Weedin needed weedin

Got to get the miles in

Dirty car needs cleanin

Got to get the miles in

So off I go out trainin.

Runnin up on this street

Runnin down on that street

Bashin down on my feet

So that at the race meet

Will not let me get beat.

Gotta watch what I eat

Now I’ve finished trudgin

Gotta do some showerin

Gettin rid of smellin

Wash away the sweatin

Glad I’ve done me rain splash

Try to cut a right dash.

Get meself a food dish

Likely be a fish dish

Then I got one last wish

To finish off

This rubbish.”

                 Colin

Bunny Run Easter Egg Race Haworth April 2012

Dear Blog,

Monday:- Driving up the M1 in driving rain to Yorkshire, the car wipers were scarcely able to cope, it seemed that the idea of a few days camping in April on the moor top near Haworth was not one of my best. Pitching in the said rain, confirmed my belief that the idea of a few days camping on the moor top in the Pennines in Yorkshire was not one of my best. Still, it does have its compensations ….. as I sit here writing to you Blog, I am trying hard to work out what that are but that is what all the tits say when it is patently obvious that a serious error of judgement has been made and the perpetrator of said error is in denial of the fact that said error has been perpetrated. The curlews sat laughing at me. The blackbird nesting in the hedge behind the tent dropped all his worms while sniggering at me in the rain. His missus sitting on the nest gave him hell when she didn’t get her dinner.  

Tuesday:- 7:15 am and the rain continues to fall on the tent as Yorkshire tries to solve the national water crisis all by itself in the shortest possible time.

               7:15 pm and the start of the Bunny Run. My daughter was running in her first fell race to see what the experience was like. Blog, I speaketh the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Godiva. It seemed that it was not one of her best ideas. The 301 runners were chaffing at the bit waiting to get away and the drizzle of the day turned into hail falling from a leaden sky; starting to fall bang on time as the bang from the gun started the race on time. Blog, I kid you not. It did not last. Only the first couple of hundred yards. Yards, Blog, are what we call metres in Yorkshire. The Fell Race was only 3 miles, a small lap followed by a large lap and the run into the finish, all around the Penistone Park Country Park. When I were a kid, it were nowt but an abandoned quarry. It were nowt now but an abandoned quarry with a few paths surfaced with quarry waste, a couple of car parks and a very large millstone grit sign telling visitors that it weren’t an abandoned quarry but it were Penistone Country Park. So there you have it Blog, written in stone, so it must be true. The field of 301 fell runners consisted of school kids who didn’t know better, middle aged kids who though they knew better and pensioner kids who should have known better …. And all the entrants to the Bunny Run got their Easter Egg before they started. Now Blog, that shows REAL Yorkshire common sense if you ask me. My daughter got round, clearly not having the faintest idea of how to commit suicide on the steep downhill sections of the course unlike the other 300 fell runners, and not having the slightest idea how to push and shove her way past the other competitors on the uphill sections unlike the other 300 fell runners. She received plenty of support all the way round with shouts of ‘Come on Pudsey’. She didn’t have the time or the spare puff to stop and tell all the well-wishers that Coventry Godiva Harriers had their kit more than 100 years before Pudsey and Bramley pinched the same design!!!! Interesting points (1) runners of ALL ages competed together (2) a wonderful sense of camaraderie before, during and after the event (3) the amazing ability of the kids of all ages to scoot up and down the precipices and cliff faces of the abandoned quarry read Country Park (4) the excellent organisation … all entries were taken on the night, not a computer in sight and the results were out 30 minutes after the last competitor with Easter Egg and Chocolate prizes in every conceivable category (5) the packed pub after the race, the video of the race, the banter, the bread roll and soup (6) Only 4, four!, dropped out in the large field of 301 (7) Dave Woodhead for Elected Mayor of Bradford???

My daughter finished 14^th women, beaten by a couple of kids in a pram and another still in nappies. With so many prize categories she ended 8^th senior woman and so qualified for an Easter Egg Prize. BUT so desperate were we for food (for food read ‘fish and chips’ with a capital ‘F’ and a capital ‘C’.) that we left before the prize presentation reached the 8^th woman as there were so many prize categories. We could buy chips at the bar but without the obligatory fish … and it was so packed in the pub that we would have died of starvation before being served. We went in search of a chip shop.

8:50pm: A chip shop on a Tuesday night in a mill town in the Yorkshire Pennines? Looking for said chip shop on a Tuesday night in a mill town in the Yorkshire Pennines was not one of my best ideas. Haworth Main Street … chip shop closed …..and we could have stopped at the pub and had chips and a chocolate Easter Egg .

8:55pm 1 mile:  Down the hill to the Spar shop opposite the Haworth Station of the Keighley and Worth Valley Railway to ask where another chip shop was. ‘Just round t’corner’. Goes ‘just round t’corner’ to find it shut. Back the the Spar shop. ‘Aye if nowt much is doing like, he shuts up shop when he feels like it’. And ta to you too ….. and we could have stopped at the pub and had chips and a chocolate Easter Egg.

9:03pm 2 miles: Drive up the valley to Oxenhope to the chip shop near the terminus of the said Keighley and Worth Valley Railway. Chip shop shuttered ….. and we could have stopped at the pub and had chips and a chocolate Easter Egg

9:14pm 3 miles: Down to Cross Roads. SHUT …... and we could have stopped at the pub and had chips and a chocolate Easter Egg

9:19pm 3 miles: Down Halifax Road to Wesley Place Chip Shop, Ingrow. Shut ….. and we could have stopped at the pub and had chips and a chocolate Easter Egg

9:21pm 2 miles: Up Ingrow Lane to Broomhill Chipshop ‘Closed all day Tuesday’ ….. and we could have stopped at the pub and had chips and a chocolate Easter Egg

9:24pm 1 mile: Down Queens Road   … A chip shop. A real chip shop with DOORS WIDE OPEN. Park up. ‘Solly. Wheel shlut. We open to kleen. No not others’  …... and we could have stopped at the pub and had chips and a chocolate Easter Egg

9:33pm 1 mile: Down into Keighley town centre. Lawkholme Lane Chip Shop … burnt down two weeks previous, Blog, I kid you not, check in the local press, the ‘Keighley News’ with pictures, if you doubt my word!! Ask a passerby about the location of a chip shop in town. ‘Nay lad, not on a Tuesday. Nowts oppond on Tuesdays.’  ….. and we could have stopped at the pub and had chips and a chocolate Easter Egg

9:37pm 1 mile: Up Oakworth Road to ‘The Oxford Fisheries’. Closed at 9pm …. and we could have stopped at the pub and had chips and a chocolate Easter Egg.

9:47pm 2 miles: Continue up Oakworth Road to Oakworth. Chip Shop on the corner. Shut for the night ….. and we could have stopped at the pub and had chips and a chocolate Easter Egg

9:54pm 2 miles: Back down and up into Haworth, Down the hill to the Spar shop opposite the Haworth Station of the Keighley and Worth Valley Railway to ask for a packet of sausages, a packet of bread rolls, and a tin of beans ….. and we could have stopped at the pub and had chips and chocolate Easter Egg

10:10pm 1 mile: Back up onto the moors to the camp site to the tent for a packet of sausages, a packet of bread rolls and a tin of baked beans ….. bugger this idea of stopping at the pub and having chips and a chocolate Easter Egg

Bygum, didn’t I sleep well   …..

                                   …. and if my daughter decides to run in the Bunny Run Easter Egg Race next week, a mun tak me oin chips.

I mentioned to you last time Blog, that we could make our fortunes with the brilliant idea of beating the hose pipe ban with my car washing scheme. With hindsight that was perhaps not one of my best ideas. To make our fortune is simple, however. Easi peasi. All we need to do is open a fish and chip shop in a West Yorkshire mill town in the Pennines. Tuesdays only; six days off – one day on. Simple. Make a fortune, Blog.

Wednesday:- and the rain it did rain and rain and the tent it was sorely wet. But the curlews continued to call. They breed ‘em tough up in God’s Own County. The blackbird concentrated on feeding his wife and ignored both me and the rain. 5 miles that felt like 10 in the wet, what a trudge. Then in the afternoon, collected carpentry tools / joinery tools from my Uncle’s. When I was six, he bought me a set of joinery tools for a Christmas present; a saw, a hammer, a set square, a gimlet, a screwdriver. I still have the set square, screwdriver and gimlet; the gimlet is probably the most useful thing I have ever been given; Blog I kid you not. A bit blunt now but still serviceable. It has been invaluable. And so, sixty years later, I collect all the tools he used in a life time of carpentry. One of his jobs a few years back, was to build all the pews at the refurbished church of St. Mary and St. Cuthbert next to the ruined Augustinian Priory of Bolton Abbey on the Duke of Devonshire’s Cavendish Estate in Wharfedale. My mother used to wax and polish each pew as he finished them.

Thursday:- and the rain was so heavy on the M42 that the car wipers were unable to cope and the traffic slowed to a crawl and it gave me time to think that perhaps  the idea of a few days camping on the moor top in the Pennines near Haworth in April was not one of my best ideas.

              Colin

Olympic Rings 2012

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 92:- What is this creative art piece called? Who created it? What has it to do with my trudging?

Dear Blog,

     As you can see from my little quiz, the creator of this artistic work liked his squares. [If you are really clever Blog, you will know that they are cubes!! How come did I hear you cry????] Did you notice that there is a square inside a square, the inner square being surrounded by four identical trapezia. [trapeziums to you Blog] Or, if you want to look at it in another way, there is a square outside a square, the outer square surrounding four identical trapezia. [trapeziums to you Blog] Whatever.

Now the big question is …. Was the creator of this artistic work a friend of Schlegel or just a passing acquaintance??? And the second even bigger question is …. Has the creator of this artistic work read my letter to you about Olympic Rings???? Let’s face it, all this poor artist has managed to do is use a couple of colours and just used four different squares to create a mathematical group ….. making the assumption that he knew that he was creating a group? Bit boring???? Bit of a boring picture really?? Yes Blog … think about it. Four squares four times …..

 Try to keep awake Blog

Just look at how the square arrangement moves diagonally (say). Not much excitement there then??? If you had shown him my master piece on Olympic Rings Blog, he would have realised that he could have used his two colours in the same way as the Olympic Rings intersect, for ‘colour’ read ‘intersect’.  …. Are you getting excited Blog, starting to salivate at the possibility of witnessing genius at work yet  again??? For an intersect of a colour on the Olympic flag being on top, assume a black trapezium, and for an intersect of a colour on the Olympic Flag being underneath assume a white trapezium.  

Wake up, Blog. Bear with me.

‘Using binary, a ‘1’ to indicate a crossing over and a ‘0’ for a crossing under for each intersection, there being eight intersections in each pattern of rings …’ but now we only have four trapezia instead of those eight intersections so taken in order travelling clockwise starting on the left vertical, we only have to consider a black trapezium or a white trapezium. Suddenly this boring picture is springing into life, whato Blog? The ‘crossing over [on top]’ that is ‘1’, being black and the ‘crossing under [underneath]’ that is ‘0’, being white. So the total possibility in binary is

1111

1010

1100

1011

1101

1000

1110

1001

0110

0001

0111

0010

0100

0011

Which when inserted into the pop picture, is much more interesting, isn’t Mr Artist Man???

So, without wishing to send you completely to sleep, Blog, or to give you nightmares, ….. Blog. BLOG. BLOG.BLOG. BLOG. Come back here. This is interesting. Sit down, shut up and pay attention. Listen and you might learn something.

When I told you about the Olympic Flag Blog, I only illustrated the exciting bit on  intersections, I did not tell you about the possibly arrangement of colours ….. ‘cos it would have taken up too much space in my letter to you. Similarly if we use the Olympic colours in one square

Viz:-

and tried to consider the arrangement of colours, it would take up too much space in my letter to you Blog. Something of a challenge for you to do Blog??? I wonder if this artist chappie knew he was copying the Olympic Flag when this chappessie [nearly gave you a clue there Blog!!!] did his [her] pop picture. Better watch out mateyboy [mateygirlie], because the Olympic Committee will be after you for breach of copyright. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!!!

Wait ‘til the Olympic Committee see my t-shirt, they will go apoplectic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                 Colin

PS I reckon I can sell my t-shirts and earn a fortune for the charity for disable children,  Tiny Tims Children’s Centre … interested in buying one Blog??????????????

Beat the hose pipe ban

Dear Blog,

                I’ve cracked it Blog. No more worries. None. Book the tickets for our warm weather trudging now. Money is no object. How???? Well we contact one of these adventure capitalist johnnies, flog them the idea Blog and we’re off. Worth a fortune, we’ll be.

So the plan is this. We hire a fleet of car transporters each weekend when they are not in use so we can hire them for a song. We give a few bob to these itinerant emigrant workers from Eastern Europe Blog. Not too much. Just enough to make them realise working down on the farm isn’t all fruit and veg. Then we advertise widely in London, across the south east and East Anglia. No hose pipes allowed down there you see Blog. None of them can wash their precious cars can they? No water is there? Hose pipes banned. So, we offer a service. Pick their car up, shoot up to Coventry, hose them down a bit and drop them back off where they were picked up. Money for old rope. And we offer a discount for those johnnies who want to drive up to Coventry themselves. This hose pipe ban lark is going to last for months. So we run the gig ourselves for a couple of months, iron out any little problems. Then we sell the whole package to these venture capitalist fellas, pocket all their quids and we are trudging happily ever after. Simple. Stick with me Blog. You know it makes sense!!!

                                   Colin

National Road Relay at Sutton Park, April 14th 2012

Photograph Quiz:

Photo no. 91:- Who is the 'Australian' leading the race who used to be a Godiva Harrier? Where is the race taking place, on which track? When? What team event is it?

 Dear Blog,

 As I noted in my message to you on Sunday, it was the annual 12 stage Midland Road Relay at Sutton Park, Birmingham. Each stage alternates between a 5.5 mile and two 3.5 mile legs, repeated four times during the course of the afternoon’s racing. The Midland Masters’ Relay Race starts at the same time as the men but only repeats the format twice. The Midland Women’s 6 Stage Road Relay starts 20 minutes after the men and each identical leg replicate the men’s short stage. As usual, the relay was accompanied by tales of woe about the lack of quality amongst the competitors, the lack of excitement and the fall in spectator numbers. No doubt with the changing face of road running over the last couple of decades, issues do need to be addressed. A late appeal for volunteers for marshalling highlights the commitment to the sport as does the fact that it is Notts AC who layout the course and collect in all the paraphernalia after the event; a club who’s headquarters is 45 miles away up the motorway! Suggestions of altering the relay format by running all four long legs first to assist the problem of marshalling were mooted by more than one official. In an athletic age where participation rather than competition is de rigour, the relay format per sec is looking tired. The quick fix of an early Saturday morning Park Run seems to satisfy very many leisure runners, some twenty minutes being more convenient than four hours when the end result is regarded as not too important by most participants. Many club athletes hold similar opinions. I must confess that as someone who was raised on fell competition, I could not quite understand the importance placed on the relay scene when I first immigrated to the Midlands. The idea of team success over individual performance was anathema to me. Although I ran in most relays when I joined Coventry Godiva Harriers, I regarded a relay leg as a convenient means to an end rather than an end in itself. I would not have been fazed by a lack of relay competition; a relay was simply a quality session laid on for me gratis. Indeed, the introduction of the autumn version of the multi-legged road relay championship race is something I have never quite got my head around. And of course, the poor Midland athlete has the added boredom of the possibility of having to run the same leg distance and to see the same Sutton Park scenery four times each year. You really can have too much of a good thing! Perhaps that might be the reason why there is the twice annual moan about the lack of quality amongst the competitors, the lack of excitement and the fall in spectator numbers. However, further analysis might question the validity of such whinging. Twenty years ago, the Midland Road Relay Championships at Sutton Park consisted of a twelve stage relay for MEN between local clubs. No Vets, no women, period. The incorporation of the Veteran (now Masters) Road Relay Championships over six legs was introduced in the 1990s? Immediately well over two hundred runners were removed at a stroke from the 12 stage team Championships. Soon to be followed by the Midland Women’s Road Relay Championships, which, although not diminishing the men’s team numbers, did physically reduce the running activity on the course after six legs by more than 50% when coupled with the Masters’ Race. Visually, the course became deserted in a matter of thirty minutes or less, the remaining competitors being well spread out by this time. Psychologically, the impression given to those spectators or runners out and about on the Sutton Park course was a feeling of isolation, which spilled over to convey an impression of rapidly disappearing enthusiasm. The frenetic activity in the take-over zone after half a dozen legs similarly reflected the diminished activity out on the course. And so the seeds for the moaning brotherhood were successfully sown!!

The difficulty in obtaining marshals year on year for the road relays is symptomatic of some of the on-going problems within the sport. It has to be said that there must be concern for the sport in the post-Olympic legacy strategy. Money and attention has flooded into athletics targeting the specific events which do not enjoy a high wide spread standard worldwide; presumably the thinking being that there is far more chance of winning a heptathlon medal than a marathon medal. The hopes and continuing enthusiasm of competitors, officials and spectators will be sorely tested in October. The anti-climax, the let-down could lead to a malaise in the sport, already is seen by some athletic insiders to be ailing. Prior to the Games, one is left with a feeling of unease following the less than efficient distribution of Olympic Games tickets and the lack of satisfaction by the general public concerning the Olympic Torch Relay arrangements. Also, some of the Trail Events seemed to lack realism. In any activity, there comes a point where the critical mass of activity radically alters the outcome. Sometimes it is difficult to model mathematically the end product even when the variables appear to be small and obvious. A simple example:- Consider the modelling of traffic flow along a section of three lane motor way. Variables are traffic volume, traffic speed, differential speed of traffic in individual lanes and weather. The different variables can be fed in to a computer and the various outcomes examined. The tyre blow out, the high speed shunt scenarios are two examples of extreme behaviours which can be partially built into a model and accounted for. However, a bundle of lorries happily trundling along side by side in two lanes for miles at a time, is a more difficult imponderable to consider. Such a simple everyday occurrence can cause severe bunching, leading to stop start conditions with all the inherent dangers. When this ‘critical mass’ of lorry activity is reached, predicting knock on effects become impossible. And so it would seem when ones observes the behaviour of partially filled stadia which is what might occur for example in the Universities Championships at the Olympic Stadium which is being targeted for the athletics trial. Even a 40, 000 crowd at an evening pop concert cannot be compared to an 80,000 sell out at the Olympics proper.

Never mind the marshal problem, in many other areas we are still a sport which hasn’t quite made the 20^th century, never mind the 21^st. Look at what size advertising is allowed on club vests; compare it to the adorned cycling kit or the single bold football shirt.                      Observe the conditions imposed on an athlete who might wish to change clubs.                         Consider the athletic authority stance on the use of drugs, its detection and sanction imposition; how many times have I observed to you Blog, that I have difficulty distinguishing the differences of press attitude to a big black bloke who once took drugs (pill, syringe or whatever) and a pretty blond haired white girl who can afford to train and live at altitude; both are presumably trying to level the playing field or gain an advantage on their respective rivals?                                Look at the problems posed by allowing advertising within athletic arena, look at the scramble to cover hoarding for the forthcoming football competition. The poor local athletic club has no chance with the sport authority’s arcane attitude.                                             Promoting road races are the financial life support mechanism employed by some athletic clubs to raise much needed cash to survive, never mind to thrive. Do they get much needed help from the powers that be, to provide assistance with their problems posed by road closures? Or council restrictions? Or police objections?                                                      We have some crazy rules in the sport; the rule banning i-pods is either totally unworkable or completely ignored. And do the powers that be, impose meaningful sanctions? Or give credible help to the clubs who have to try to implement the banning rule?                                                And do the clubs gain much benefit from all the commercial organisations which are financially powerful enough to organise mass participation races, and which have enough clout to run a coach and horses through whatever might stand in their way?                                                   We have stacks of kids coming down regularly to our clubs to train. We have stacks of seniors, men and women, working hard to improve. And what do we do in our competitive structure? ………… ‘Sod off you lot, we only need two of you on the track and in the field to represent the club in League competition. The rest of you can push off and go shopping or something; you are not needed’. What a way to maintain the youngster’s interest?? Or the seniors’? Or foster club spirit.

Of course Blog, all the above is a day dream of someone who is clearly suffering from delusions and who is clearly out of touch with athletic reality, none of the statements having much foundation in fact. It is all fantasy, of course. If it wasn’t, there would be a ground swell calling for reform and modernisation????

Yawn. Must try to get out for a trudge more often, go places, meet people. Yawn.

                                                                         Colin

Thought for the Day

Dear Blog,

Our Godiva which art my Heaven,

Hallowed Be your Track.

Your Sessions Come

Your Athletics will be Done

In Earth as it is in the Olympics.

Give us this day our training for tomorrow.

And Forgive Us our Injuries

As we forgive those who gave Us them.

And Lead us not into another sport

But Deliver Us more training

For the Track, the Country and the Glory to Run

Are Yours

Now and for Many Miles

Amen

                               Colin

 

Nike waffle shoes

Dear Blog,

                It has been the annual Midland Road Relays yesterday at Sutton Park. Some interesting observations can wait until my next message to you Blog, because I know you are desperate to know how my first trudging session went since my unfortunate track meeting. 5 miles Blog. 5 miles, no very fast, nay slow even. But 5 miles. 5 miles and I did not stop; Blog I kid you not. 5 miles. I know you must be desperate to know how my ribs coped with my first trudging session since my unfortunate track meeting; the pain is bad but the sticky feeling and suckie sound is worse as I trudge. Mental note; try 6 miles tomorriow. However the big question you have been waiting for Blog, is

‘Would You Like to be a Nanomillionaire?’

     For 1 nano:- Identify the castle. Is it

 A) a Sandy Castle B) Lumley Castle C) a Castle in the sky D) Roy Castle E) none of these

For 10 nanos:- What role did this castle play in the life of the Pink Panther University?

 A) it staged an annual cross country relay B) it staged an annual cross country relay C) it staged an annual cross country relay D) it staged an annual cross country relay E) it is all of these

For 50 nanos:- How many legs did this relay consist of? Was it

A) 1 leg B) 3 legs C) all of them D) a peg leg, a dead leg and a leg of lamb E)  none of these

For 100 nanos:- What annual relay race was held in the grounds of said castle? Was it

A) the London to Brighton relay B) 4 * 100m relay C) the Olympic torch relay D) a continuous relay E) none of these

For 500 nanos:- Why did I run a poor time on three consecutive years at this castle?

A)My watch was slow B) I was late for the change-over C) I got lost D) I had just fallen out with my girlfriend and she was doing the time keeping E) none of these

For 1000 nanos:- What changed in my post graduate year at the Pink Panther University to enable me to run a fast time?

A) my watch was fast B) I got to the start on time C) I found my way round D) I was the timekeeper E) is it none of these

For 5000 nanos:- Why was I keen to run more than one leg, one year? Was it because

A) my team was one man short B) my team was losing 3 – nil and I went on as super sub C) we only had two men in the boat at the time D) I wanted to run away with it E) none of these

For 10,000 nanos:- In the year I was keen to run on more than one leg, how many legs did I run?

A) 1 leg because I hopped round  B) 3 legs because I was running for the Isle of Man Team C) the hind legs of a donkey because I had run away to join the circus D)  None because I had been out the night before the race and I was legless E) none of these

For 50,000 nanos:- Why was I disqualified one year from this relay? Was it because  

A) I dropped the baton B) I upset the race referee C) the race referee upset me D) I am lying, I was never disqualified E) none of these

For 100,000 nanos :- Why did I run one year with 27 stitches holding part of my body together?

A) Because I couldn’t stop laughing B) I had just taken up needlework and was practicing a running stitch C) it saved three of them D) I cut myself shaving E) none of these

For 500,000 nanos :- Which part of my body was held together by 27 stitches?

A) my broken heart B) my inflated ego C) my other half D) my personality E) none of these

And you may now ring a friend if you have one Blog.

For 1,000,000 nanos:- How do you think I ran in the relays?

A) I ran round B) I ran round in circles C) I ran round in ever decreasing circles D) I ended up running down the plug hole E) none of these

Answers.

 If you got all the questions wrong, you are not alone Blog. You have friends around the UK, in the USA, Canada, Uganda, Latvia, Mexico, Ireland, Russia, China, Singapore, and the Philippines, some in Sweden, Tunisia, Czech Republic, Colombia, Norway, Denmark, Belarus, Egypt, Switzerland, Australia, a couple in New Zealand, dozens in Austria, not to mention Germany, France, Greece and Spain. Israel, Turkey, the Arab Emirates, India, Brazil, Chile, South Africa, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Slovenia, Jordan, Netherlands, Bulgaria, Malaysia, Japan. Plus those friends who are here today and gone tomorrow.

If you got all the answers correct, your name is Colin Kirkham and you just as brilliant as I have always suspected.

                                                    Colin

Fact:- when I first received kit and shoes from Nike, I suggested to them that their waffle design was wrong. The concept was flawed. This was in their early years of sponsorship. The waffle was just that, an overall waffle for start of the toe to the end of the heel; a regular pattern with no variation. I pointed out that the underneath of the heel had no support, causing excessive wear and therefore producing a resulting injury to the hamstring. Another athlete sponsored at the same time, thought I was committing hare care, biting the hand that was feeding me. However, I soon noticed that the new models included a denser pattern of waffles at the heel and then, a couple of months later, it included a dense heel plug!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Coincidence or not Blog???? Years later, the athlete who thought I was ill advised to criticise Nike, admitted to me that my mechanical argument was faultless. He was a structural engineer and agreed with my assessment of the shoe’s problem; he didn’t like to say so at the time as he was afraid his sponsorship deal would be pulled. Thanks matieboy.

What I didn’t tell Nike was that as soon as I receive the waffle racers, I stripped the waffles off using a Stanley knife and used them as flat smooth soled racers. For nowt, they were OK!!!!!!!!!