Wednesday 3 October 2012

Clumber Park National Road Relays 2012

Photograph Quiz:
Photo number 117:- Look into your portmanteau where you store my letters Blog. You will find a photo of a marathon race where everyone was trying to determine which runner I was. Dig out the photo of the large group of marathon runners. Despite many attempts, all failed to identify which runner was yours truly. So being of a generous nature, here is another shot of the same event, which a friend has just given me. Which is me? Did I finish 1st, 2nd or 3rd in the race? Which marathon race did I win six days later?

Dear Blog,
The good news that the National Road Relays are now ‘GO’. I told you in my last letter that it was possible to arrange a race at short notice, didn’t I? Been there, done it, got the sweaty shirt. It means that someone by accident or design has actually shown initiative and that there is life after the Olympic Legacy hype, and grass roots in athletics is stirring. Which is more than can be said for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An embarrassingly slow trudge for me last night, Blog. Sometimes I trudge slow but last night WAS slow, with a capital ‘S’. Blog, I kid you not. Painfully slow it was. Why you may ask Blog. I’ll tell you why.
Question:- What is the energy gained and what are the after effects of dropping a very expensive electric steam iron from a height of six feet (2 metres to you Blog)? For the purpose of this question, you may assume that the iron was not damaged on impact. You may also assume that no damaged was caused to the electric steam iron because all the kinetic energy gained by the falling electric steam iron was transferred on impact to human flesh and bone. (Newton’s Third Law on Cox’s Orange Pippins). Discuss.
Yes, Blog, yesterday I dropped my wife’s iron onto my foot. It fell unhindered from the top shelf of the storage cupboard where I allow my wife to keep her household aids, such as her sweeping brush, her beloved mop bucket, her grandmother’s dolly tub and the like. It wasn’t any old iron, it was her very expensive electric steam iron which I bought her for her birthday / Christmas / wedding anniversary combined present five years ago. I wouldn’t give you tuppence for what I said at the time. The iron was a bargain from a car boot sale. I did have to haggle quite a lot when I bought but in the end I got my way. My wife said she wanted a new iron. I told her in front of the car booter that arguing in public was not dignified and she should remember that she had promised to obey. Anyways, I dropped this electric steam iron on my big toe … not any old toe, oh no. My big toe; the one with arthritis and the bunion. What made matters worse was that while I was rolling around the floor screaming in agony from the pain and tears rolling down my face, my wife was rolling around the floor with tears rolling down her face laughing uncontrollably.
As bagman for my wife, collecting produce from the Coventry market later in the morning, I was not happy when she related my unfortunate experience to the fishman. They had a little laugh together with no word of sympathy for me. I shall have to consider purchasing my kippers from elsewhere in future. I was not happy when she related my unfortunate experience to the butcher. They had a little laugh together with no word of sympathy for me. I shall have to consider looking around to purchase my scragg ends and tripe from elsewhere in future. Neither was I happy when she related my unfortunate experience to the bakers. They had a little laugh together with no word of sympathy for me. I will not allow my wife to buy our broken biscuits from him in future. But worse of all. She went to the hickory knickery knackery stall to buy a battery for my deaf aid. The stall is run by an ex pupil of mine, clearly benefitting from the mathematics I taught her by her being able to run the stall so efficiently and, no doubt, at a huge profit of many quids, I was not happy when she related my unfortunate experience to the hickory knickery knackery lady. They had a little laugh together with no word of sympathy for me. Clearly I failed as her mathematics teacher after all. I should have set her more lines to do and put her in detention far more often. Respect???
                               Colin
P.S. I will try to take a photograph of my toe for you Blog. Multi-coloured it is! Possibly a future Quiz Question Blog???

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