Tuesday 5 August 2014

An ideal marriage




Deja vu Blog,
       Is this August 1st or is it August 1st??? No, no no Blog, it is the 5th so without further ado do do ….
 What another treat for you Blog, what more laughs? …. A couple more scarecrows to tell more of your friends about. Note that these didn’t come first in the Allesley Village Fete three weeks ago either. They didn’t come second nor did they come third. AND they didn’t even get an honourable mention in the village parish newsletter. This despite a request that they be left out for a further few days after the end of the Allesley Festival so that a couple of hiking club leaders could bring their respective members round for a giggle. Blog, I kid you not!!!!
I must mention Blog that I have had THE most stressful day EVER. My younger daughter has gone away on holiday. My elder daughter went away with her family two days ago which of course means that I am left alone with my wife in the Mansion. HELP Blog. Yesterday was the first day by ourselves. Question for you Blog …. What do I talk to her about???? After forty two years of marriage I have said all I want to say years ago. The silence is most embarrassing. So just what do I say????
I tried to engage her in conversation at breakfast yesterday, starting as I mean to go on BUT ……. Trying to be topical, I asked her what she thought should be done about the problems with Gaza. She said that he ought to give up drink and go on the wagon. ‘Israel’ I said pointedly. She replied that she agreed with me and that going on the wagon is the real thing to do.
I changed tack and asked her about the Sunni and Shia complications. She said that she thought it was a real tragedy of huge proportions. She continued that after their big hit record of ‘I got you Babe’, their splitting up was outrageous. Still Cher’s solo albums and then her acting in films was an interesting outcome she added.
Another 8 days Blog. HELP, HELP.
And what is so unexpected for me is that she talks and talks and talks; after forty three years of marriage I had never really noticed ….. but that’s the only hope I have got, the only saving grace, the single straw which I can clutch. As we were starting the washing up (I promised both my daughters that I would help around the house; I must say that it’s a lovely kitchen we have got and the sink is so smart with both hot and cold taps, and the cooker. Well. I have never seen so many burners and all those ovens. Shocked I was. I daren’t ask my wife what they were all for as she was in full verbal diarrhoea and it seemed such a shame to stop her as I would have felt obliged to say something. But what Blog?  After forty four years of marriage I have said all I want to say years ago.) Just as I was about to ask where the tea towels were kept, she suddenly stopped talking to take a breath. I panicked. This is it I thought. She is expecting a reply. After forty five years of marriage I have said all I want to say years ago and now I don’t listen while she is rattling on; quite happy with the sound of her own voice she is, she doesn’t want me disturbing the flow. But she had stopped. I felt myself blushing with embarrassment. THEN I was saved. She went into a coughing fit and I didn’t have to join in the conversation. She coughed an awful lot and looked quite distressed. I must confess for a moment Blog, I thought I might have to do the washing up AND the wiping of the dishes. But of course it was not necessary as I could have left the dishes to drain. I must say that I am quite good in an emergency like the coughing fit she was having when I have to think on my feet and find a solution, like letting the dishes dry themselves.
After a couple more minutes of coughing she was going a funny colour and I was beginning to think she was beginning to milk the situation so that I would enter into verbal intercourse with her. Then much to my great relief she stopped her coughing fit and resumed her normal breathing pattern. Phew. I was so thankful that I had to make myself a drink of coffee and have a sit down. I thought it best not to make my wife a coffee as I felt the coffee grounds might set her off choking again and I certainly didn’t want that. No way Jose!!!
I must report Blog that after the excitement and drama, the rest of the day was a bit of a blurrrrrrrr. Suffice to say that I got through somehow or other; and now I have to start all over again .. today is a new day, a new beginning. After forty six years of marriage I have said all I want to say years ago. So come on Eileen or you Blog. Giv us a clue. To say or not to say what, is the question.
                                             Colin


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