Friday 22 March 2013

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow .....

Dear Blog,
           What a difference a year makes …. Sweating last year, freezing and slipping in the snow twelve months later as in this year. But some things stay the same Blog. Trudging last night, over I go, crash, bang, wallop, what a picture lying thrashing about in agony outside the pub in Tile Hill. And did anyone help the poor old man? What a night I spent, tracksters torn and my gloves all rent. Grazed my hands, banged my thumb ….. And worse of all, I split the plate of my dentures, Blog, I kid you not. And that’s going to cost me a few quids, no doubt. The teeth on the right side of the top plate have buckled causing the metal to splinter. Nasty fall. It is very fortunate that in the tumble my face wasn’t damaged badly by the plate splitting. I suspect that it might have been because my false teeth were in my pocket at the time!!!
             Now tomorrow is the Midland 12 Stage Road Relay at Sutton Park. Dire warnings were issued on the television weather forecast last night as I sat there feeling sorry for myself nursing the bruising to my shoulder, neck and ego, that disruption from the snow fall was to be expected on Saturday. What a difference six months makes. I did moan about the six stage being cancelled because of e-collywobbles or something last October, but a repeat cancellation would this time around have my backing. The relays involve many runners from different clubs and a stack of willing officials. The event lasts four for hours plus and it is not nice to have a group of old people (no disrespect meant) standing about for that length of time in freezing snowy conditions. They may devote a great deal of time to their hobby and they do expect conditions to be rough at times but the body can only take so much. And the older you get, the more susceptible to weather conditions you do become. And it won’t be much fun for the officials either!
            And this unseasonable weather doesn’t help with the household chores does it Blog? Washing clothes for example. How to get your kit dry when it is cold and damp outside?? Not easy peasy. I allowed my wife to invest in a tumble drier recently to cope with the desmelling of my clothes and kit. She is not technically minded. Bless. All those dials and things on the front of the machine offer her an unfathomable puzzle. Bless. But look on the bright side I always say. For every dark cloud there is a silver lining if you look hard enough. And so it is with the new drier. My wife may not be au fait with the heat and time settings, but she is helping to solve the clothing problems of those poor displaced children in Syria. Bless her. All my woolly socks and jumpers have shrunk to child size. My thermal underwear now will fit a five year old, keep the Syrian kids warm in their refugee tents.  Bless her and I often do. So looking on the bright side of life, I am so fortunate that she does not go to the trouble of washing my trudging shoes. And also, having to replace the whole of my wardrobe with new clothes to fit me, will help that nice Mr. Cameroon and his Challenger, Ossie Osbourne, to solve the country’s economic problems with one big shop. With my help the clothing industry is about to come out of recession so that should please the Chairman of the Conservation Party, Mr. Wilfred Pickles. Did you know Blog, that he comes from Keighley like as what I dodo. Would I lie to you Blog? And that Keighley used to be a woolen town of some renown? True. Wilfred grew up like as what I diddid, amongst those dark satanic mills. Although by the time he was old enough to attend secondary school in the town, the Comprehensible system of education had been introduced and the old Grammar School had been confined to a footnote in the history of the borough.
           So for tomorrow, it’s “Snow, snow faster, Ally ally aster” like as what we used to say when Wilfred and I were kids in Keighley.
                                 Colin

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